In this episode, we are talking about Internal Incongruency. It is the number one reason why people want things that they are not allowing themselves to have yet. You ready? Let's do it. 

Hello, you are listening to the love your life as a performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am the Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage. 

Hello. Hello. And welcome back to episode 90 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. OMGG so much life has been happening and I am realizing that part of me was putting off recording this podcast, because I had made like a newfound commitment to doing video and unintentionally that created an extra barrier to entry. And  I feel like  you know, I've done a couple of episodes where I've been either on zoom or one of my episodes with Jackie, she was here in the apartment, and I guess I just got a little stuck in my own How Confusion about doing my solo episodes and also allowing myself to record them. So here we are back to episode 90!  

One thing that I do want to offer is that,  I haven't been saying it enough, right now The Paradigm January 2025 is enrolling, and I want to make sure you have the opportunity to join us in this life changing container. You can go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book your consult there, and we'll do a launch call, and we'll just talk about what's going on, all the things you're excited to create inside of The Paradigm during the first few months of 2025. You like, you could decide right now that 2025 is guaranteed to be your year by joining us in the room. 

Now,  what do I want to say? So many things. I love doing the podcast because it is a free resource for performers who will never pay me. It's a free resource and additional value add for my current clients. And I know they love going back and listening and hearing new concepts again and again and again. And I just want to offer that part of the magic of working together is that even when life gets a little cray cray, that, you know, when you are in my containers, you have access to my brain and all of the new concepts, ideas, tools that I'm sharing on the podcast, but in real time.

And so part of what I want  📍 to just invite you to do is join me to do this work. Because when we're doing it in real time, you always have access to my brain, which is constantly developing, learning, expanding, and thinking about ways that I can support you on your own journey. 

And so, one of the concepts that I want to bring to the podcast today is Internal Incongruency. 

Internal Incongruency. And I was thinking about this because I've said it in many different ways before, but we cannot experience what we do not believe, right? Like we can only experience what we are believing. And I've said it many different ways. We can only experience what we are believing and willing to receive.  We're only able to receive what we're able to perceive about ourselves. And I know that might sound like I'm saying the same thing over and over again. 

And I want to say it like this because I was reading, rereading, a happy pocket full of money by David Cameron Gikandi. If you have not read that book, it is on my like  top books that have changed my life. And, just a little plug, if you're curious and want to know what books I've read  that have made a huge impact on me, you can go to kelliyoungmanwellness. com/books. I believe it's books with an S. And there's an entire list there.  Anyways, I was rereading that book recently. And  in conjunction with all the other things I've been loosening up in my own belief systems, in my own paradigms about my life,  I realized that there is this Internal Incongruency that can happen, that unintentionally blocks us or prevents what we are wanting to receive. Meaning  that if we want something  and we think it is bad,   inherently we're going to keep that away  because  we consider ourselves good. 

I mean, I think most of us do if you're here watching the podcast, like you're a good person, you want to be a good person, you aspire to be a good person. And so if we're calling in something that we believe is bad or wrong to want or allow,  there's always going to be an energetic,  incongruency, right? Like  we are not going to actively welcome in something that may affirm we are bad if we're committed to being good people. Does that make sense?  

Right? Like we can only receive what we believe and the more in harmony  that we are in allowing ourselves to receive what we want,  the more we align those things with our values,  the more we become available to experience them.

Okay,  and so  I'll give you this example in the sense of, you know, I feel like money is something everybody wants more of, right? And  we get so many mixed messages about wanting and creating more money.  And when we are believing that money is the root of all evil, that the world would be better off, like if we didn't have to deal with money, if we're thinking all of these negative thoughts about money, that it's hard to make that, you know, it's really greedy or selfish or wrong to want it, of course, we're going to give money  the label of bad or wrong. Therefore we are going to have mixed feelings about wanting something that we perceive as bad. 

You're like, well,  Yeah, I'd love more money, but I don't want to be all about money. I don't want to be obsessed with money. Because I don't want to become one of those people that all they care about is money. Right. So like we're low key going to avoid getting up close and personal with money and like really loving and treating money like this amazing thing in life. We're going to resist it. If we've decided that that's bad.  Right. 

But here's the thing. And here's what I love that David Cameron Gikandi talks about in his book. It's like, knowing that whether it's good, bad, right, or wrong is a point of view. And we simply get to decide.  Okay. So someone who thinks money is only for good people,  but they consider themselves a bad person. Like, Oh my God, I'm so selfish or I'm so ungrateful. Like if I'm sitting here thinking, well, I'm not a good enough person and money just like goes to people who are really talented and really smart and really valuable, but I'm not those things, right, you could equally end up with no money.  Or  if you're thinking money is bad, I am good. Therefore,  we're not a match. Again, Internal Incongruency.  Okay.  And the thing about this is again, it's not only  for one area of our life. How we do one thing is how we do everything. 

And this also came up for one of my clients, when they were thinking about the fact that they want to manifest the love of their life. And I feel like most of us are like, yeah, who wouldn't? I mean, maybe you wouldn't, but people in my sphere are like, fuck yeah. I want a relationship. I want a thriving partnership where we honor and respect and champion each other. And, you know, it's so fun to be in partnership. Like, my people know the value of allowing themselves to be loved and supported and held and, you know, giving that to others as well, right? Like there's a, a value to that.  

But if we're thinking about the desire of having  an amazing relationship with mind blowing intimacy, with, you know, open communication, with respect, all of these juicy, yummy things, but then we're telling ourselves like,  all right, that's a little superficial to want to spend time thinking about a relationship or dating. Like there's other more important things in the world.  Again, Internal Incongruency. Eh, like big X mark. We're not going to allow ourselves to have and receive it. Not because it's not available, but because we are creating an internal Incongruency, right? Because again, my client is not superficial by any means, but when they are treating their dream as superficial,  of course, they don't want to align with superficialness.  Right?  

So when we are wanting to create something, we have to actually be in belief and in alignment with the thing that we're creating, and that's where coaching comes into play  because coaching is all about intentionally  thinking and feeling on purpose. It's aligning your thoughts and your feelings and your action, really your energy, your frequency to be a match to the thing that you want.  And when you get clear or aware of these Internal Incongruencies, we just allow ourselves permission to have the things that we want sooner and faster and like, as soon as we give ourselves the consciousness to perceive  that nothing that we want is good, bad, right, or wrong. Like we actually can want what we want for ourselves,  period. The end,  when we take the time to align our thinking with having it.

I'll give you another example. If we are thinking that, you know, I would love to be the kind of person that is powerful and strong and knows what I want and is decisive. And we're like, imagining this version of us that has really clear boundaries and like really makes decisions from the place of honoring ourselves and Being successful, confident. I think I said confident already, but if we were like imagining this highly successful version of us,  that is like winning awards and doing like big shit being seen on stage,  but we're like also thinking  like, it's really lonely at the top or, you know, people won't like me when I'm successful. Or you know, in order to get there, I'm going to have to act outside of my values. I'm going to have to become the successful bitch and no one's going to want to be around me. Like if we're low key thinking those things about being successful, of course, and I mean, I'm saying successful because that really is up to you what that looks like and means. It's like literally your vision.

But if we're already thinking. Damn like I want to be successful, but that's gonna mean that everyone thinks I'm a bitch and no one's gonna want to be around me and the more money I have the more problems that like... if we're thinking success equals bad success equals selfish success equals unlikable, unlovable of course we are gonna be incongruent.  Incongruent! Internal Incongruency, because we're not going to want to go somewhere that is outside of our values.

Okay. So what do we do about this? We intentionally start creating thoughts and beliefs that align with where you want to go.  So if you want piles of money in your bank account, you have to be willing to get  curious and untangle your current thoughts and beliefs about money, about making money, right?

Because if you are a loving, generous, kind person, the truth is money is just going to amplify those values, right? So you want to think about how is it good for me to have money? How is this in alignment of who I am? How is this an alignment and amplification  of who I want to be in the world? 

The same thing is true with art, right, and your creativity.  If you're thinking there is too much happening in the world for me to want to create art... If you're thinking and believing that your art is like non essential, if you're thinking that it's frivolous when there are more important things going on in the world, war,  this election, all these other things, right?  You're going to stifle your creativity and you're not going to want to do that because again, it feels incongruent to being a person who is aware and conscious and sending love out.  

But I literally had a call with a client today who was telling me about how  one of their books is now getting its ninth translation in Ukraine.  And there is a literal war happening,  right? And so  my question to them was like, how is this  such evidence of how essential art is to the world? Right? Creativity, art, we are the lightworkers. We are giving the world hope and light. If we are thinking it's selfish and wrong to make art during this time, of course we're not gonna do it.  So we have to align our thinking and our beliefs and our energy and our focus to be congruent with the result. We have to get on board with what we're creating, whether it's our art, whether it is money, whether it is love,  whether it's the body of your dreams.

Like I've been thinking about this for myself too. I was telling my clients on The Paradigm on Tuesday, I think we had a Bonus Call.  I was telling them that for so long there was like this push pull of like I really want like a six pack and I was like saying like there's other more important things. Like if I care about my body, that's like "not good"  And again, it's just a point of view and you're allowed to want whatever you want. And if you don't want that, great, you don't have to have that. 

Everyone's values and goals and visions are going to look completely different. But either way, if there is an Internal Incongruency, a wrongness that you are perceiving about what you want,  that's what we want to expose. Because that's what's slowing you down from having it right.

Whether it's a hundred million followers or money or a Broadway contract, whatever it is, if there is any incongruency to that,  again, it's not impossible to receive it. I don't know, maybe it is, but  to my knowledge from my personal experience, we only receive what we are willing to receive. We only receive what we align to receive or we get what we're believing  every time,  right? We get what we are believing.  every time. 

And so if you want to have a more joyful journey, you have to be willing to believe that the journey can be joyful, right? If you want making money to be easy, if you want to start finding evidence of that to be true, you have to decide that it is good  to make money in an easy, simple way. Like you have to take your brain through the exercise of why is this good for me? Why is this good for the world? How is there value in my desire for other people,  right?  

And when we're getting blocked or staying stuck at not exploring that and sort of just allowing our mind to stay in the old outdated paradigm of belief, again, it's not good, bad, right, or wrong, but you won't change your reality. You won't actually take new action or have new energy that aligns with receiving what you desire. Okay? 

So, Internal Incongruency.  How to spot it. Remember, you're just checking in with like, am I really thinking that what I want is good for me and good for the world? Am I allowing myself to value my desires instead of sort of like  low key judging them or giving them labels of like insignificant,  not that big of a deal, like  superficial, greedy, wrong. Like, am I giving it some kind of negative connotation that I would normally not want to be associated with  and what would be required to start changing your thinking to create new beliefs so that you can have internal  congruency. You can be in alignment with the thing that you want. So it's not like this, it's like a giant, yes, like an ease and alignment, a synergy between what you're asking for  and allowing it to be a reflection of your good.  

All right, that's what I got for you this week.  I want to invite you to join us in The Paradigm January 2025.  Come to a launch call to apply.  We're just going to make sure that it's a great fit, where I know that you will get the results that you want.

It is a room of complete, total bad ass performers who are actively getting after the life that they want personally, professionally, and financially. And if you've been looking for a safe space to dream really big,  to expose these lies and these Internal Incongruencies, so you can actually have what you want more of the time.  This is the space for you. 

And if you're like, Hey, you know what, right now I am just working on loving my performing career and feeling really juicy and delish about auditions. Just like starting foundational thinking and belief. That's great too. Join us in Momentum. You can go to  kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum. We  have  The  30 Day Reboot where you are literally only 30 days away from loving your career again. And we have biweekly coaching calls in that group as well. Either way, let's get started. Let's really give yourself permission to not just say you're going to make this your best year, but like really, really do it. I'm so here for that. All right. I love you all and I will meet you back here for another episode. 

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us inside of Momentum, you get lifetime access to The Performers Plan, coaching, community, and more. And I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum    to  join us now.