In this episode, we're talking about increasing your Audacity Capacity. And we're going to untangle what it means, what it doesn't mean, and how you can be using this for you to make bigger, bolder requests. You ready? Let's do it. 

Hello, you are listening to love your life as a performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman, and I am The Life Coach for Performers.  I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more, so keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode 86 of The Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. Today I wanted to talk about a new concept that I have been calling Audacity Capacity, and I wanna talk about what it looks like, how you might not realize that it has room to expand, and I want to share a few examples of what this looks like in real time.

So I feel like first and foremost, it's important to look up and speak to the definition of audacity. Because the first definition is a willingness to take bold risks.  And then interestingly enough, the second definition that comes up is rude or disrespectful behavior. Right? And so I just feel like that's really interesting  to read because I think that's also why sometimes we  resist having audacity or embodying audacity.

But for me, when I think about increasing my Audacity Capacity, it really is increasing my willingness to take bold action and especially to make bold asks, right? Because I feel like if you were socialized in a society, especially as a human,  especially as a female human, especially as potentially a BIPOC  female human, there's lots of ways that society encourages us to fit in with the pack. The internalized messages I've received is like, be respectful, ask in the right way, don't ruffle any feathers, you know, be easy to work with. All of these different messages become internalized and unintentionally diminish our audacity.

Okay, so  when we talk about increasing this willingness to take bold risks, I think we also have to look at the internalized safety that we're feeling as we're doing it.  Especially when this word, this idea, this bold action, can sometimes implicitly have this undercurrent and fear or avoidance of being interpreted as rude or disrespectful.

So as we're doing it, we just get to determine really for ourselves, one,  What is the difference between audacity for the sake of boldness and  air quote, whether or not it's received as being rude.  Like, I think it's really interesting to think about, like, when you think about it, like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe they had the audacity to dot, dot, dot.  Right. Like the layer learning, at least for me, as I'm also like untangling this.  It's like, where did I start assuming audacity, being bold  was somehow rude  or  bad behavior, right? 

And so the reason all of this was sparked was because I was working with my current coach, Serena Hicks, and she said, something during one of our workshops, and I don't exactly remember who this quote comes from, but she said "somewhere, someone will be pissed, even if because of audacity."

And so if we are leaning into audacity and being bold and increasing our capacity to do bold things,  are we willing to allow someone to be pissed? Are we willing to allow someone to be displeased with our boldness?  Right? And so when we're increasing the capacity to be bold,  I've just really been thinking about like, Oh, where in my life, where in my career, where in my business have I been moving small and not having audacity,  right? Out of fear of being received as rude  or impolite? 

Again, I just think it's such a fascinating  question to really be  questioning.  And I think that again, like the reason why I'm looking at this in terms of increasing my capacity for audacity is because,  so much of where I have this current boundary around my own audacity has come from socialization and fear of being wrong, fear of going too far.  And again, it's just so interesting when we really dissect it, because what is interpreted as rude or disrespectful or impolite, really on the other side of it, it's none of my business how someone receives me.   Because I'm not controlling or even contributing to someone else's tolerance for boldness,  right? So their interpretation, what they perceive as rude or disrespectful  is completely subjective,  right? Like we really cannot control other people's thoughts, feelings, emotions in their body. Those are all created by their own perception and their own lens and filter of their own paradigms. 

So when we're increasing our own personal capacity for audacity, Audacity Capacity, it's honestly also just so fun to say.  It's really like, how bold am I willing to be and why?  And I'll give you an example, right?  When I first launched THE PARADIGM two years ago, there was a performer and a coach that I just thought would be great for the container because I saw that they were already performing at a high level. They were already on Broadway. They also had coaching clients and programs and things that they were creating for other performing arts.

So of course I was like, hell yeah, this performer could potentially double, triple their impact  in this container by becoming aware of their own personal limits or fears about their own audacity, right? And I remember sending them an invitation  to simply check out the website, learn more about it, let me know if it resonates or not. And this performer was very displeased by  me messaging them. And again, I normally wouldn't reach out and say, hey, check this out! But I also think that  from the space of knowing the results that my clients create, like it felt like the most loving thing to ask. And really not ask, it wasn't like, Oh my gosh,  will you join this? I think you should.  It was more of an invitation of like, I really think that you'd be great in this room, so just check it out. Let me know if you have any questions. 

And again, I'm still in the place of  owning and being bold in inviting people into this work  because I do know the impact that it makes and I do know that my clients have doubled, tripled their income from our work. But I want you to like let that sink in because and I've given this example to some of my clients before of like, yeah, it actually was really uncomfortable when this person responded back to me and they were like, I think it's really icky that you want me to sign up for a $5,000 program and all of the things.  Again, like that person is so allowed to have their thoughts  and opinions. They're allowed to be insulted or even feel disrespected by my ask, but the ask itself was neutral, right? And my boldness, my audacity to invite them into this room,  whether it was received in this way or not was coming from love,  right?

And again, I just think it's really interesting...  I feel like a lot of the examples while we were talking about this in my business mastermind was like, think of, and again, no shade, so much love to all humans. But like when we think of like the air quote, stereotypical white man, and not saying it's good, bad, right or wrong, but like their Audacity Capacity is much higher, right? They're willing to be bold, because they've been socialized to act that way. And so while we were in the hotel that we were meeting in the conference room for my in person workshops with my coach, there happened to be again, this is not for judgment. This is just for awareness and context that this  male, white, early twenties salesperson was on a call and he said, literally, the investment is seven figures and the work speaks for itself.  And like,  we were laughing at this because I want you to imagine if you actually had the audacity,  or the balls, the courage, if you would stand behind a statement like that  without flinching,  right?

It's so interesting how, like,  we can learn this skill and we can increase our audacity.  I just think that sometimes we already are anticipating someone being insulted or offended, so we go the extra mile to overcompensate and apologize or check in or justify or explain rather than just sitting with the truth of our boldness  and allowing other people to receive us in that energy.  And so again, if we uncouple the idea of audacity and boldness from the sort of parallel of being disrespectful or rude,  how much does our own audacity increase?  And if we're increasing our audacity, what else becomes possible? 

I'll just say this again, like, cause I've actually been on the receiving end of this, where, and I think I've given this example on the podcast before, where I've been like insulted by someone's audacity and like, Again, it wasn't intentional. It was so subconscious on their part,  but a peer reached out, texted me, asked me a question that I didn't have the answer to. Again, they're not necessarily wrong for asking. They were asking,  do you know in the portal, in our members area where dot, dot, dot is. And, you know, my first response was like, okay, like they can ask. And I was like, no, I don't know. And then this peer was like, well  if you get home and you look for it and you find it, text me. And I, on the receiving end of the audacity, of like, why is this person asking me to hold the mental load of knowing that she is looking for something, that I am not responsible for, like, she gets to ask, but I also was like, this is just so not my problem,  right? Like, her not knowing where something was in the portal was not my homework to do. She could ask another peer, she could also just look for it. She could post it in the Facebook group, like all of these things.

And I remember in that moment, her audacity actually allowed me to create a boundary, right? I was like,  actually, no,  I don't have the bandwidth to hold onto this for you, so I'm not going to look for it. And if you'd like to, you can totally post it in the Facebook group. I'm sure someone else knows.  Right. Which. opened up this beautiful pathway to me  seeing like, Oh, I've been afraid to be as bold and to just say no, right? So, I'll just also offer if you're on the receiving end of something that feels audacious or bold or insulting, right? I think lovingly that's an invitation as well. 

So like Audacity Capacity, whoa, I'm about to blow my own mind. Audacity Capacity is also about not only being bolder in our asks,  but also being bolder in what we are willing or unwilling to receive.  Damn!  Right? Like, think about that.  Like when you're air quote, insulted by someone else's audacity,  it's just a loving invitation to be bold and clear as well. Oh my gosh. So good. 

But so  I saw this show up recently in terms of like making an ask of a friend. Right. And having the audacity to be supported and to just let myself make an ask and let the other person respond. Because already if we're filtering what we do or do not do, request or do not request from ourselves, partners, peers, our agents, right? Like if we're already assuming what someone else is going to say or how they will respond,  we're like, all up in someone else's business, right? We're not allowing them to respond and maybe make a counteroffer and/or maybe accept and joyfully respond to our bold ask. 

And so again, for me, this showed up in asking my friend to review  some choreo.  Like a combo from an audition. And I noticed how I was like, no, Kelli, that's going to be so rude. That's really disrespectful. You really shouldn't do that.  And when I was approaching this with the idea of my Audacity Capacity, like, am I willing to make a request that feels bold? And again, like some of you listening might be like, that's hilarious. Like I do that all the time. Right. But this is what I mean by our thoughts, our own paradigms of beliefs are what are always influencing our feelings and our behaviors, right? Because if I'm thinking that might be too much,  an old version of me would have never made the ask.  But when I simply sat with, okay,  If I was bold enough to just say what I would love, and if they're willing to do this, right, they have the option to say yes, no, counter offer.  And you know what happened? I made the ask and my friend got back to me within minutes, right? I said, I would love to review the combos. Would you be willing to get together with me?  And within minutes they replied, yeah, let's go. When do you want to meet?

Right? So  I want you to just be conscious of and aware of where are you shrinking your asks or your ideas out of fear of being bold.  And when I say fear of being bold, I don't think anyone's like consciously like, oh, I don't want to be too bold. Maybe. Right. But I think it's really like, I'm afraid of being bold because of the potential consequences on the other side.  And if we're willing to create safety to receive someone else's response,  I think that our Audacity Capacity is increased.  Right?  Like if it's just so safe for them to say no, or actually like I'm unavailable, like then the ask is not so scary.

So again, and I've already been sharing this with clients and it's been transforming  what they're allowing themselves to do as well.  And I think part of it is also considering, our brains love to go into the worst case scenario of like, Oh, someone is going to be displeased if I asked this, someone's going to be offended, someone's going to feel disrespected... if that's where your brain, like my brain sometimes tends to go, this is where we get to just start planting the seeds of like, if we're making a genuine request from something that we would love.  What if the person on the receiving end would just love to support you in this request, right? What if they would love to meet your enthusiasm and your joy and your audacity with so much love and audacity on their end as well, right? Instead of assuming that someone would receive audacity as a negative, what happens when we plant the seed that they could receive our audacity and our big ass dreams and our big asks  with love and respect  for the audacity, right? What if they actually would be so delighted by what feels audacious? 

All right, that's what I got for you this week. Increasing our Audacity Capacity, increasing our willingness to be bold  with the positive expectation that someone could be delighted and holding space for the possibility that they are not delighted.  Because either way, it's not a problem, right? Everyone is allowed to have their experience in their own bodies, based on their own thoughts and their own paradigms.  But if you're staying out of their business and simply being in your own,  what would you really love? And if you were willing to increase your Audacity Capacity, how would you go about creating it today?  All right. I'll meet you back here for another episode.

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us inside of Momentum, you get lifetime access to The Performers Plan, coaching, community, and more, and I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to Kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum to join us now.