In this episode, we're talking about The Art of Receiving and where you might be unintentionally closing yourself off to receive all of the gifts that the Universe and people around you are trying to give. You ready? Let's do it. 

Hello, you are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast.  I'm Kelli Youngman and I am the Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers and dancers love themselves in their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life both on and off the stage.

Hello, and welcome back to episode 81 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. OMGG, you guys.  So much has happened since the last episode and I want to acknowledge that there's been a couple weeks where I have just been processing, making new decisions, getting coached up, and I'm so delighted to be back with you this week.

I do want to do a whole podcast about my recent experience with Bell's palsy  and what I'm feeling most called to talk about today is receiving. Okay. Receiving, opening yourself up to receive  the energy, the magic, the beauty that is here and available for you right now.  And  I feel like I have to stay on track because I have like a million ideas bursting out of my brain, but I do want to talk about receiving first.

And then, get excited because I'm going to have a fun, really expansive episode for you next week all about expanding and creating the vision. Okay,  but here's the thing  when it comes to receiving your capacity and willingness to receive  is something that you have to actively look at.  And what I mean by this is that  I feel like so often we associate receiving with either lack or not having or we don't want to be perceived as not having.

And What actually sparked this  idea for this podcast was the other night  I was doing my laundry, okay?  And in our apartment building, we have laundry downstairs on the first floor.  And  when you like get a laundry card for those people who maybe are not in New York, right? When you have to go and do your laundry at a laundromat, there's like a little card that you can put money on that you can then use for the machines. There's the physical card and then you can also do it like through an app. 

There was a woman in the laundromat or laundry room, and she was trying to do her laundry,  and  she asked me for help because she said it was the first time she was using the machines. Well,  I had this happen to me before, and I realized that even though she had put $10 in the machine for the card,  the card itself, I know, so shady.  The card itself costs 10, like if it's brand new. And then any money you put on there after that is money you can use as credit  to do the laundry. 

And so when I explained this to her, I said, Oh, you know, the card itself costs $10 so you're going to have to put more money on. And I saw her like, look really disappointed or, you know, frustrated. It was in the evening and she clearly set aside this time.  And then, I mentioned to her, Oh, like, do you need cash? Because I saw her go through the process of taking her clothes out of the, the washer and like truly this exact circumstance happened to me months ago.  And there was a day that I had really planned on doing the laundry, all of it. And I literally almost burst into tears because I was like, no  $10  for the laundry card. Like what the heck? Like that was my last 10 bill. Like I, I literally went through it.

And so anyways, I said to this woman that I had never met before, I said, wait a second. If you wait just a couple minutes, my husband or fiance, you know what? Terry and I are not married yet, but I fully call him my husband all the time.  And he's fully introduced me as his wife, even before we are engaged. So anyways, I said to this woman, my husband is on his way down. If you'll wait just another minute, I'll have him bring down a $10 bill for you. And immediately she got so uncomfortable. She was like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, that's okay. That's okay. And I was like, no, really? Like, I understand this has happened to me before. She's like, no, I just need to go to the bank. Right. And sure enough, like I had called Terry to bring down a $10 bill and  she had already left the room.

And this example, again, I understand this is a stranger offering you money. What do we make this mean?  And I was just thinking about how one,  I don't want to project on this woman, but I'll just speak for myself that one, it can be so uncomfortable to receive, especially if and when we're in need, because of what we make it mean about ourselves.  And also, even if you were fully resourced, would you allow yourself to receive the gift?  Whether it's your friend buying you dinner or taking you out for a drink,  a stranger offering you 10 so that you can fulfill  this dream  of doing your laundry on this day and or even bigger things like recommendations or introductions connections to people that can help you fulfill what you're going after.

Okay  so again this  example, this story just got me thinking  because I think there's a connection to receiving  and also to being committed  to our desires. Now, this example with the laundry might seem silly,  but I want you to think about like, if you're committed to doing something on a specific day,  Whether it is like an outside deadline or you've just made the decision for yourself, would you allow yourself to receive the support?

Last weekend,  one of my cousins had passed away and  they were having Shiva or like, you know, a repass, sort of like a place for friends and family to come visit and gather in New Jersey. Well, from Manhattan to this specific location in New Jersey, it was going to be like two and a half hours on a bus each way.  The thing was, is like, I was committed to that and I was like, okay, like I've made the decision that it feels really important to show up for my family.  And so my brain was already going to the place of what are all the options and possibilities,  right?  And I could tell that, like, the five hour bus journey was not gonna be my favorite option, but I was willing to do it.

Another thing that I did was, like,  rejoin Zipcar.  Because I was like, well, you know what? I could rent a car. And there's, like, a car right here. I could go rent it for three hours, and that's one option.  And then I was like, wait, but one of our friends has a car, and maybe I can ask to use it.  And especially when we're receiving support, if we have to make the ask, notice if that would have been a barrier for you.

Because I know for me it was.  Like, I was looking up every single possibility without having to ask for help. And  again, this is one of our very best friends  and I knew that it was very likely that they were going to say yes and it wouldn't be a problem, but it was interesting to observe how uncomfortable I was to make the ask.  And I finally really sat with it and I was like, you know what, like I'm willing to be uncomfortable to make this request and this person can say yes, no, or make a counter offer. But either way, I'm going to ask and guess what, I did.  And my friend was happy to lend us her car and I was able to drive to New Jersey, which was only an hour by car  to go be with my family for the afternoon, spend some time, and then come back to the city,  right?

And so again, are you willing to receive support? And are you willing to ask for support to be able to receive it?  Okay. And so,  I guess where I'm interested right now in this intersection is like, when we're really committed To the thing we want, whether it's attending a family member's shiva or doing our laundry on a specific day or Creating anything else in our life, right? The commitment  is what allows us  To have access to receive. Right to have access  to receive beyond what we can currently comprehend.

 Because it would have also been really easy for me to say, well, it's just too far and you know, it's okay and you know, I'll just send my love. Like  circumstantially it could have been air quote all right  for me to just say, you know what going to Shiva in New Jersey is just out of the question  and it wouldn't have been good about right or wrong,  but it wouldn't have been what I wanted.  Right? Like, it wouldn't have been me living into my fullest values of showing up for my family and prioritizing my family.   And so, I posted this on my Instagram of like, where are we letting first layer  obstacles,  challenges, time, money, inconvenience block us from being fully committed to our desires. And then on top of that, are you allowing yourself to receive? Are you allowing yourself to be in the receptive mode  of letting people support you?  Like literally with money,  resources, et cetera, or even just with energy. Like, are you willing to receive other people's good energy  and their support?

Another thing that came up as I was thinking about this was an intern that had been working with Terry.  It was so fascinating. Another experience of this in a non tangible way  was Terry was introducing this intern  to a friend that has a connection that would be really good for her. She's still in school. She's a student and she's wanting to make connections in the field.  As Terry was like talking her up and singing her praises, in  real time with this other person, "you know, she's amazing and she's about to graduate and this and this."  Almost everything that Terry said that was like elevating her, she unconsciously was rejecting.

She was like, well, you know, I'm not out of school yet. I'm still in school. And then it was like, well, I'm not a costume designer yet, but I want to be one. Well, like, it was like this unintentional rejection  of compliments, of praise, and of elevation. And I mean, I feel this for myself, too, when people speak really highly of me, this energy of wanting to shrink or be like, Oh, that's so kind, but no, like, like this. Almost like  unwillingness to receive that presents as modesty, right? An unwillingness to receive as modest or considerate or,  I don't know, like humble,  right? And so like, are you willing to receive  other people's observations, acknowledgments of your bigness that might even be bigger than your own perception of yourself,  right?

Are you willing to expand into that and to receive and allow other people  to see you in your fullness, right? This goes beyond like what's tangible  and what's like energetic. I think it's both,  but I think it's really interesting to look at are you allowing yourself to receive more in one way than the other,  and or what would be required  to expand what you're willing to receive? 

Because the thing is when it comes to having the life of our dreams, I've been thinking about this and maybe I've even mentioned it in terms of my relationship with Terry  But I'm really really expanding my capacity to receive  in his generosity, in his like acts of kindness, In the ways that you know, Terry loves cooking He cooks almost every meal for us and he does the dishes like 99 percent of the time.  Like, I've really had to look at, am I willing to let myself receive this and am I willing to believe that I am worthy of receiving this,  right?

And when I think back to this woman in the laundromat, again, I don't want to project because I don't know her circumstances,  but I know that in other moments when I felt shame about the circumstances that I was in, it was even harder to receive in those moments, even though people were readily around me, ready to give and support and amplify me,  in those moments. Would you be willing to receive?  And would you be willing to make that mean something good about you?  Would you allow that to amplify who you're being in the world rather than thinking that receiving is diminishing? 

And I was telling Terry that at this point in my life, like if I was this woman and someone had said, Oh, if you're willing to wait a minute, let me give you $10.  I think right now with who I am in this moment, I would have said yes I  mean, I know this is a hypothetical scenario,  but like  if I'm somewhere and a bartender wants to gift me a drink or  you know, if someone says, Oh, I want to treat you like it's my pleasure, right? Like I really am comfortable with receiving this gift because I do feel it as a gift  and a loving reminder from the universe that one, not only do I have exponential capacity to receive, I also have exponential capacity to give. And they're on the same cycle of giving and receiving.  And so  I want you to just think about this for yourself. Are you giving  in your fullest capacity? Not meaning doing things for other or overdoing or trying to earn things, but are you like opening your heart to give?  And are you opening your heart equally to receive? 

I had another client that we were working on this, and, you know,  they went on a vacation, and while they were on vacation, they started, you know, engaging with people. One of their superpowers is communication and connection.  And just from being an open, loving human, they ended up receiving all these different invitations for excursions.  So them and their friends got to do  ziplining and all these other different adventures for free that they wouldn't have normally done or maybe they would have done and would have paid for, but right they received like hundreds of adventures excursions for free.

Would you have been willing to accept that?  Would you be willing to be open to the universe spoiling you  with love and abundance Everywhere you turn?  Because truly if that happened to me today, There would be no hesitation. I would totally be Willingly say yes with gratitude  and allow myself to enjoy it, right? I wouldn't feel shame or guilt or now I owe you, right? Like I would just allow myself to receive freely. And of course I'm still expanding and always looking at  how do we continue to increase this flow of giving and receiving? 

And just know, I say this often, but how we do one thing is how we do everything.  And so if we're unwilling to receive love from a partner, it is likely that we're unwilling to receive love in other areas, if we're unable or unwilling to receive financial support  or gifts, right? Like, I just think there's.  a tie to what we're giving and what we're willing to receive.  And if we want to really blow our minds in this lifetime, if we want to be surprised and delighted by the universe, we have to know that we are inherently worthy of receiving the gifts that come instead of pushing them away and saying, Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't need that. Thank you so much. I don't need that. Or no, no, no, it's really okay. I got it. I got it. Right. And then you and your friends fight for the bill,  right? Or like, Oh, no, no, thank you. That's like too kind. That's so generous. But like, no, I wouldn't want to like be an imposition, right?

Just notice the subtle ways that it might even feel good for you to reject  gifts and support.  And like, who would you be on the other side of that?  Who would you be if not only you received gifts. With grace,  expected to receive, like expected to receive good things, whether it's referrals or recommendations or, or, or, or, right?  Who would you be if you allowed yourself to really fully receive?  What would be different about your life? And this is something you can start practicing now,  right? If your partner offers to do the dishes, Yes.  What would it look like to just say, thank you!  The same thing when someone offers a compliment, just saying, thank you, right, we don't have to deflect and say, Oh, this, I got it on sale. I mean, we can, I usually get very excited with things like that, but it's like, what does it look like to just receive the acknowledgement  and what does it look like to start also then giving without expectation, right?

I feel like when we feel really burdened or  we're in a space where it's hard to receive, it's also hard to give. Like most likely we're not in a space where we're giving freely  if we're unwilling to accept something, because we think that then we're going to owe someone or this or that, right?  This is just a loving invitation to check in with your ability to receive.  And  I know that this will transform so much for you.

So over the next week, just be curious, be aware of when it's coming up. And  allow yourself to start practicing.  It might feel uncomfortable in the beginning. And if you start expecting good things to show up, you also have to practice being comfortable and gracious  and excited to receive. All right. I'll meet you back here for another episode.

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us inside of Momentum. You get lifetime access to The Performers Plan, coaching, community and more, and I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum to join us now.