In this episode, we're gonna be talking about The Self Concept Container, and this is one of the core philosophies of the paradigm because when this is really clear and certain and solid, that's when you have the capacity to hold more, and that's truly how you get to have it all. You ready? Let's do it.

Hello, you are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more so keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello, and welcome back to episode 41 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. Today I wanna talk about self-concept. Okay, self-concept and what it feels like to start having the capacity to have it all. This is gonna be a little bit of an advanced concept because it's something that we're working on inside of The Paradigm, and so I just wanna say that as a preface, that if you are new to this kind of work, it might feel a little bit. I don't know. Weird or intangible, and that's okay. Right? I want you to still give it a listen and still start to imagine what it feels like to have the capacity to hold it all. 

Most of the time when we are thinking about doing it all, having it all, it starts feeling like this elusive not possible thing. Because we are thinking about ourselves and cutting ourselves into like a pie chart. I used to do this a lot, especially in the beginning of my business when I was thinking about being a performer versus being a coach and a CEO. I would sort of think about, okay, well how much time am I giving each part of me? How much energy am I giving each part of me? And again, I would just start thinking about like slicing myself up into a pie. And it felt useful at the time. I remember getting coaching and someone was like, that is so weird. Why are you doing that? I was like, I don't know. I think I'm just like trying to expand my capacity to hold it all, and I just wasn't in the place where I fully processed and understood the concept. 

Okay, and so I want you to imagine that your energy, your being, your self-concept is a container, right? It's like the container of you. It's like your core beliefs held in this container. And when we have a really solid self-concept, I want you to imagine it's like a glass cylinder or a glass vase that is just like so freaking tight and strong and it can hold and even if like things came up and bumped up against the vase or the vase, right, the container, that it's like this thick, like unshatterable glass. I want you to imagine if your self-concept was held in unbreakable, unshakable glass and that it was like this sturdy cylinder. 

I don't know. For me, I visualize this like up and down, like really tight, sturdy held container, right? When you know who you are, when what you stand for is so certain, it doesn't matter if someone else's idea or thought comes at you cuz it's just - you're not going anywhere. You're solid. Right? You know who you are. You know what you stand for. You know what your boundaries are. It's not wishy-washy, it's tight, it's clean, it's clear, right? Like literally clear. 

Versus what it feels like if you were to pour water in like a plastic bag, in Saran wrap, right? So different. Like literally when we think about capacity, imagine pouring water into a large glass, again, unbreakable container versus when we put it and pour water into like saran wrap that is like bunched up and sort of like makeshift. Right. Like, I don't know. I love this freaking visual. It came out of my head on a client call and I was like, oh, even though I've heard this like a million times, something about this just landed so freaking clear.

Right? When we are trying to hold our self concept in saran wrap, that shit is loose. That shit is not tight. Something comes up and bumps against it and challenges it, that shit falls apart. There's like nothing holding it together. And when we are trying to operate in our lives with boundaries or with a self-concept that is that shaky, we literally do not have the capacity to hold more. What? Yes, your self-concept determines what you have the capacity to hold. And your self-concept, again, like centers around your core beliefs about yourself, and what you are afraid or unwilling to receive or engage with from others. 

Okay, so I wanted you to imagine that when your self-concept feels like Saran wrap, it's like the equivalent of uncertainty. Right. You're like, I think I'm an actor. I feel pretty confident that I'm talented. Like, Ugh, I don't know. I could maybe do that thing, but this person might think I'm weird. Right? It's like we are still waiting for someone else to reflect back to us the solid, certain truth of being worthy, of being talented, of being good enough, of being liked, right?

Like all of that is shaky self-concept. If you are like, oh, I could totally do that thing, but like, I don't know, they might think I'm a failure. Especially when I think about The Paradigm and the types of clients that are in The Paradigm, that's when we're starting to like expand what we're doing. We know that we're actor singers or dancers, we're talented as fuck performers, and we're welcoming in like next level wealth, opportunity, and like expanding our self concept, right? 

Like a lot of the clients in The Paradigm are stepping into entrepreneurship or expanding their vision to include directing, producing, writing, like. It's really like an all-encompassing self-concept. Right? And when you are trying to pour that into saran Wrap. It doesn't work. There's not the capacity to expand. There's only so much you can take on when you're still worried about letting other people's thoughts inform who you're being, when your container of self is not tight, when it's sort of flexible or can change, and this is also like when your self-concept is circumstantial. 

So it's like you are able to believe in yourself and feel really talented and really certain that you are a performer only when you're on a contract. And then if you're not on a contract, suddenly you're like, oh my gosh, I'm like unemployed. I'm not even an actor anymore. And you're questioning whether you're an actor or not. That is a Saran wrap self-concept, right? That's when it's like shaky. 

It really has less to do with whether or not it's true or not, versus what you are allowing yourself to believe about you. Because most brains wanna be like, well, I mean, it's just the truth. If I'm not in a show, I'm not a working actor. And like, again, to me that's debatable because to me, a working actor or a working performer is in auditions, right? Like that's a sign of being a working actor. Someone who auditions, someone that has gaps in their employment. Like that's part of being a working actor, right?

So if you are willing to believe you're talented when you're getting positive feedback, but when you're not getting positive feedback or, you know, getting notes, if then your self-concept tanks and your confidence tanks, that's a saran wrap self-concept. Okay. That's when like you are letting things outside of you dictate how tight your beliefs are held. How tight your own identity is held for you. And honestly, this goes again, it's the same thing with positive or negative opinions about us, but when we are letting other people's thoughts shape how we are thinking and feeling about ourselves, that's Saran wrap self-concept. Okay. And so when we are in this Saran wrap self-concept, I don't know, maybe I should stop saying saran wrap. Is that like a brand, is that, is that trademark? But when we're in this like flimsy self-concept, it feels flimsy. 

That's when we're like exhausted. That's when we're like doing so much extra mental work to believe in ourself. It's like we have to like build ourselves up. And again, I'm not saying that might not happen when you have like a really strong self-concept, but it's gonna be much less. You're not gonna be working to believe you're an actor when it's just a core belief of who you are. Do you hear the difference? When you're in shaky self-concept that's when it's like circumstantial, when you're letting it be determined by things outside of you and when it changes very often. When it's not just a part of who you are. 

And so when you're wanting to have it all, when you're wanting to, and again, I say this because I know a lot of my clients are in the phase where they're choreographing, directing, performing, running businesses, and like starting to create generational wealth in new ways by expanding what they believe is possible. Right, like this comes back to how tight is your self-concept? How strong is your self-concept? How sturdy is your self-concept? And are you holding the core beliefs about you in an unshakeable, unbreakable, fucking cylinder of energy between you and the universe? 

Right when that is your truth, when that is the container of who you're being, you can pour anything in there. You're like, okay, cool. Yeah, I'm the kind of person that things work out for. I'm the kind of person that navigates stressful circumstances with ease. I'm the kind of person that's really talented and can navigate holding all of these things that are my truth. Like for me, I am equally a performer and a coach. I am equally a CEO and an artist. Like those things don't bump up against each other anymore because I am holding them in the same container. 

I'm not trying to hold like, Ooh, this is another way of thinking about it. Right? I'm not trying to like hold multiple different saran wrap baggy self-concepts. I'm not like holding one vessel that's like flimsy and it's an actor, and like I believe I'm an actor some days, right? Or I believe I'm a performer some days. And then in another hand, I'm trying to juggle this self-concept of like, okay, in this little saran wrap baggie, in this like flimsy container over here, I'm a CEO and a business owner, and this one over here, I'm a coach, right?

Like, do you see how it's like. When I was talking about the pie chart, that's what I was doing to myself. I was like trying to hold all of these different containers, these different leaky soggy, like not sturdy containers of self, instead of putting them into one cylindrical, unlimited, sturdy vessel.

Right. Are you picking up when I'm putting down? If you are trying to hold mom, wife, husband, director, partner, actor, if you're trying to hold all of these things separately, it will feel like too much. And that is when you'll feel like it is impossible to have it all. Instead of seeing that this is just who I am and I have the capacity -to know that I'm talented, to know that I move through these things with ease, that I show up in my fullness everywhere that I go, that I am intelligent. Right? Like it even goes back to what are your core beliefs about yourself when you're not cutting yourself up into a pie, right? 

Then it is like, It's less about identity and it's more about, I think a lot of times more about your traits, your beliefs about your capabilities, right? On top of then, just like the identity is just one piece of it. Then you're not fighting for like, oh, I'm only an actor when I'm on set, when I'm like filming a thing. No, I just am an actor. I am an actor. I am a brilliant artist. I'm a brilliant artist that is expressed in multiple ways. Right. Like I am a fucking intelligent human and that comes out in my performance as well as my business. Like as well as when I'm with clients. I'm a visionary when I am holding space for clients and when I am holding space for my artistic expression and ideas, right? 

Like then it's all one and the same. And if this is resonating with you, I just want to keep reminding you that this is the work that we do inside of The Paradigm. It's a little more advanced because again, we are intentionally, not only like hypothetically, we are intentionally creating wealth. We are intentionally creating new revenue streams. We are intentionally building and birthing new ideas, that are an expansion of who we are, because now we have the unshakeable container of knowing that this is my genius and this is what I have to offer the world.

And so if you aren't here yet, that's okay. If you're still working on like, okay, I'm an actor, even when I'm not on set, or even when I'm not booked, great. Join us inside of The Performers Plan. That's when we work on building your self concept as a performer, period. And then once that's more practiced and then when you're like literally expanding your capacity to hold more, that's when you're gonna join us in the next round of The Paradigm. And honestly, I think this is the thing that prevents us from hustling, prevents us from burning out, prevents us from having to do so much extra thought work to believe that this is who you are. 

And. I wanna really just say this again with emphasis. Emphasis. That wherever you are is not a problem, but know that it will get to a point where you no longer have to justify or explain or prove that you are a performer, right? Like there will be a time when it just is who you are, and that's the best time to then start bringing in other things because you have the capacity to hold more. So then you're not trying to juggle all these different identities. We're just building one solid container of self with your core beliefs.

Okay. So give this a couple listens, a couple goes, and just start checking in with yourself. Where have you been letting your self-concept be influenced or determined by things outside of you and what does it look like to start making them unshakeable truths about who you are? And honestly, like again, you don't have to be inside of The Paradigm to be doing this work. You can be doing it right now. And like that's when we start pouring more things into the mix and inviting more opportunities and expansion from the place of sufficiency and knowing that it's who you are versus trying to prove these things. Trying to use your self-concept to prove it instead of knowing, right. That's the difference. Okay. I will meet you back here for another episode. 

Hey, I wanna invite you to get, Started, cuz if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. There are two ways to work with me privately, one-on-one or inside of the paradigm with high quality community.

Either way, you're gonna go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book your free launch call. We're gonna spend 60 minutes together with you and your unique dream and vision to co-create a plan to get you there. Let's freaking go.