Ep 76: This AND This

In this episode, I'm sharing a simple tool to help you break the cycle of endless decision making over and over and over again. If you've ever wondered, should I do this or that? Am I doing this or that?  This episode is for you. You ready? Let's do it.  

Hello. You are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life way more. Both on and off the stage. 

Hello, beautiful people. And welcome back to episode 76 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast.  I have been soaking in life  and there's been so many moments where I've like thought to myself, this would be so freaking great for the podcast and I've been jotting down little ideas and things that have been coming up with my clients and  I'm feeling really inspired and energized to keep sharing them in this format. And so just know that it is my intention to continue delivering really quality podcasts and inviting you to just plug into this part of yourself and your life, and to be this anchor and reminder that you get to have the life that you want. 

And so something I've been saying so often lately, which I'm really excited to talk about today,  is the constant ways that we are choosing.  Right? The subtle ways that we're choosing in our brains between this or that.  This or that. Am I gonna be on Broadway or am I gonna be a TV film actor? Am I going to prioritize my mental wellness? or am I going to prioritize dating?  Right? Am I going to, you know, make my career the most important thing? Or am I going to, you know, focus on my happiness and my ease and my pleasure?

And It's really subtle sometimes how this comes up and  every version of this is this or that, right? Constantly playing the game of this or that, this or that, this or that. When it comes to our self concept, when it comes to our time, when it comes to our energy, when it comes to just decision making in general, so  already just notice if you have been stuck in a cycle of decision making over and over and over and over again.

And one, the reason why this is exhausting  is because if we're constantly deciding, we're constantly reprioritizing, it constantly feels like,  Oh my gosh, there's a million things I need to do, what should I prioritize now? This or that, this or that, this or that.  And  the indecision alone can create decision fatigue, one, and two,  it's just such an interesting space to live from if we're kind of in unintentional black or white thinking, right? This or that, am I going to do this or that, this or that? It's constantly, constantly, constantly happening.

And so  something I've been saying to clients a lot, which I think is just freaking gold, for so many reasons,  is it's not this or that, right? It's never this or that. And I want to invite you to take on the energy of it's this and this, right? It's this and this, this and this. And when we start approaching things from the mentality of this and this, instead of automatically going to the place where we think we have to make a choice, we also get to challenge our brain instead of looking at the limitations to start inviting in possibilities, right?

So if it's not this or that, and it's this and this, how could I  be on Broadway and pursue TV and film? Right? If I get to have it all,  why couldn't I  be a concert dancer that also pursues Broadway?  And again, it's like  we get to figure out how that could be possible, which is just using our energy and our focus in such a useful, productive way. And we start asking ourselves higher quality questions, right? 

If it's not prioritizing my mental health or getting on dating apps. And dating to find a long term partner, like what does that look like? If I get to have  extreme pleasure and delight while pursuing dating. What does it look like to say  I can create stability on my own and  I can find other sources of income. Again, if it's this and this,  the possibilities just multiply times infinity.  And we start envisioning  a world where we have the best of both, right? And really the best of all, cause we get to have it all.  And it's just a new way of thinking, a new way of approaching things when we're not automatically assuming or creating a closed door.

And I'll, I'll speak to dating. Cause I feel like it's coming up a lot for my clients, but it's like, yeah, if it's not  only  like being happy, loving myself, knowing myself, staying connected to who I am, like, what is, if it's not that, or go out on dates  and if it's knowing that you can be yourself authentically on dates, and that's only going to bring you closer to your dream partner,  and it's a this and this, I get to be myself, I get to prioritize my needs, and I get to prioritize that I want a long term relationship where I can  get married, have kids, and you know, if that's not your thing, don't worry, this is just an example, I am not  prescribing  any kind of lifestyle or relationships.

I'm just saying that for a lot of my clients, there's like resistance sometimes to even believing that the experience of dating could be joyful, right?  Or that living in New York could be magical  and  You can have the career that you want, right? Like it's not choosing a lifestyle that you love or the career that you love. What does it look like to have both? And if it's this and this, what would be required to create it?  

And so.  I feel like one other thing I want to add in this episode is that when you're thinking about this and this  again, just as a reminder, we're not using this against ourselves. We're not taking this concept and making it mean we're not doing enough. We're doing it wrong. We're just opening our brains up to think a new way. 

If it's this and this,  right,  we get to slow down and expand our possibilities. And  it's not always necessarily about doing more.  It's about questioning our current entry point and how we're relating to the things we're wanting to create, right? Because if it's this and this and it gets to be easy and it gets to be fun.  Yes, there might be aligned action you take and maybe it's simply removing the limitation that it can't be that way. Right? Again, we're removing the limitation that we have to choose and decide, am I pursuing this path or this path?

Am I going to be, you know, a comedian or a legit actor? Am I going to be  on Broadway or on film? Right? Like when we remove the limitation and we stop trying to decide which one we are, and we can just be this and this,  do you see how the possibilities increase? And  then how we're entering the entry point, how we're approaching this thing  becomes so much more simple. Then we can go back to remembering that our intuition, is always the best strategy  and that we can simply see what's here, feel good about what is, and be inviting in more.

Because we don't have to walk up to someone and say, Hey, I'm Kelli and I'm a professional dancer and I do this. Like, I don't have to give myself those labels. I can say, Hey, I'm Kelli.  I'm a Broadway performer. I'm a creative. I can say whatever the fuck I want.  And I can say yes to all things that fall within my identity, that feel like a fuck yes today.  And if I'm not wasting my energy and my bandwidth on re deciding and relabeling and recommitting,  and I'm just saying yes to all of this. 

Yes to being a life coach, yes to being a performer,  yes to being someone who's on film and TV, yes to being someone who's on Broadway, yes to commercials, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.  Then I'm just like in this energy of openness and receiving  and knowing that I can have it all.  

And when you know that you can have it all,  then you also aren't focused on trying to make it work. And you can simply relax into the identity of being a person that receives opportunities left and right.  And if that doesn't feel true yet. It's okay.  And this is the value of creating a belief system that supports you. This is the value of creating a belief system where you get to have this and this. A life that I love and a career that feels delicious and fulfilling, right?  Sexy passion in my relationship and money in the bank. I don't know why I put those as opposites.  

But I think sometimes we tell ourselves that like, we have to have one before we can have the other. Or we think we need to get to a certain place in our life before we can start allowing ourselves to buy the new furniture, to  you know, find a new apartment, to adopt the cat. Right? I think about a lot, a client of mine who  has just completely upleveled their lifestyle  by letting go  of what she thought would be required to live in a beautiful apartment.  And so at one point, the idea of having a kitchen was just like a dream,  to adopt a cat was a dream, right? 

And if you're thinking, well, in order to elevate my lifestyle, I'm going to have to pay more rent  or I'm going to have to, you know,  live with roommates and that's going to be terrible.  Like if you were creating limitations of like, I want this, but I'm not willing to do it with this condition. Like again, we're just creating a closed door. And so for my one client who wanted a bigger apartment, who wanted a better lifestyle, who wanted to afford a cat, like adopting this cat, all that had to happen was like, I'm open  to having an elevated lifestyle. I see myself as the version of me that lives in a beautiful apartment. And guess what? She freaking manifested it.  

She ended up being invited to live with a friend that  had purchased the apartment or owned the apartment. So her rent was going to stay the same,  but because her friend had purchased the apartment with the help of her parents, she was going to furnish all the shared space. So not only did she have the capacity to have a new apartment  because she started opening up ways to make money,  she didn't only have to be a performer. It wasn't performer or photographer. It's this and this, performer and photographer. Guess what? She started making $1,500 to $2,000 extra every month.  So not only did she manifest the dream apartment, she manifested enough money to show herself that she can trust herself and her capacity to make money and that she can afford having a cat, right?

Like these are all the little ways that  Again, we create limitations or excuses in our brains  when we have the judgment that it has to be this or that.  And so again, just notice, where are you making it this or that?  Where are you saying, I can either go on vacation or I can invest in my 401k, right? I can either do this thing. Notice also where the energy is coming from. Is it trying to be responsible? Is it trying to be XYZ? Like what's the motivation between this or that? 

And again, if it gets to be this and this.  And you just get to spend your time considering how can I do that? How could I do that?  How can I create that if I want to?  Notice all the Possibility Play that you can invite in.  If it's this and this and this and this.  And you don't have to do more to create it but you simply have to expand your self concept.  Expand how you're thinking.  Expand what you're believing is available to you.  That's really the work that creates more space. 

Okay,  that's what I got for you this week.  It's this and this.  It's this and this. It's this and this and this.  And if it doesn't mean that we have to go into a frenzy state of spinning  and over controlling how it comes,  Just try it on. What does it look like to say this and this. I'm ready for this and this. I'm ready for an original Broadway cast and my first national commercial.

I'm ready for performing at the Tony awards  and having an amazing engagement photo shoot.  Right. If we're just saying this and this and this and this and this and this, that would be so much fun. Yes. And we're in the fuck yes energy of having what we want. It's just this and this.  And if you get to be the kind of person that gets everything they desire,  what would be different? 

What would be different if your entry point is infinite possibility  rather than making do with what you have? Again, we're not saying be grateful for what is. That's totally different.  But making do is a little soggy, right? We're in a time and space where we know that quantum physics supports us having anything,  everything that we desire.  So why not claim it? It's this and this.  

And if you don't know how that's gonna be created yet, it's not a problem. And if you want to answer those questions, giving yourself infinite space and intentional time to do it is always going to support you.  So if you want to learn the how between implementing this and this thinking  and like actually giving yourself permission to have it all,  join us in THE PARADIGM.

We are going to spend six months getting clear on removing any blocks, any limitations, and any ways that you're currently waiting for something to happen before you can do the next thing.  Because the waiting energy prevents what you want from coming into your life. And when you step into the driver's seat, when you start making active decisions, when you start saying yes, this and this.  You will start receiving things faster than you even knew was possible.  And so if you are listening to this in real time, there's still time to join us in the July class of THE PARADIGM. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/links, L I N K S and fill out your application. The room is filling up with Broadway performers, with business owners, with creatives who are ready to give themselves permission to dream really freaking big,  to claim the Tony Award, to claim the Broadway debut, to claim that you get to do shows that fulfill you and be a part of things that excite you and light your heart on freaking fire. And you get to have hot, fiery, passionate love if you desire it all... at the same time. All right. That's what I got for you this week, this and this,  and I'll meet you back here for another episode. 

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. You get to love your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, even including auditions. And if that sounds amazing, come join us. Inside of momentum, you get lifetime access to the performer's plan, coaching, community, and more. And I will be supporting you the entire way. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/momentum to join us now.