Ep 60: How Straddling Splits Your Energy

In this episode, we're going to be talking about Straddling, a concept and a tool to identify when you're creating wishy washy energy in yourself, in your decisions, and possibly adding on a Second Layer of judgment, guilt, or shame that just simply isn't necessary. When you listen to this episode, you're going to have the awareness, so that you can be all in wherever you are. You ready? Let's do it. 

Hello. You are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to Episode 60 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. Today I want to talk about something that's been showing up in my clients lives, it's been showing up in my own life, and I just think that when we have the awareness of it, it will change how we feel moving through our lives, and that's really the whole point of all of this. 

The other thing that I want to add, something that I was thinking about, is the reason I love creating these podcasts is because they get to be a library of resources for all of you over and over and over again. And honestly, it's a record of things that my own brain has created, that I also go back and listen to and they produce value for me over and over and over again.

So I just want to encourage you to be willing to listen to things multiple times to really understand and process and sit with information. Something one of my clients said this week is that only now after like three months of working together is something, a concept, an idea, actually becoming embodied, right? And it isn't good, bad, right, or wrong. It takes as long as it takes. And I just want you to know that the whole point of working together for an extended period of time is so that you give your brain the practice and the repetition of understanding an idea or a concept until it sticks. 

The other thing that I want to add in addition to that is that sometimes we have an understanding of a concept. And then we understand it to new depths. This happens for me all of the time, especially when we're going through new levels of growth, new expansion, new quantum leaps. All of this work is going to re-emerge, and that's not a problem. We get to decide and know that, of course, it's going to come up at every level, and that the work can go deeper and deeper and deeper.

So, something that I've, said to my client, something that I start every container with is really be willing to release the idea of I know already. Like I know I know sometimes I'll catch myself saying that I know I know and then I'm like no wait let me sit with this and let me be willing to understand and process how I might not know this thing yet, because only then will it open up the space to have new deeper understanding.

So with that, let's jump into today's episode. I want to talk about straddling, straddling decisions, straddling experiences, just big old straddling. And I was, I was sharing this idea with a new friend recently and she laughed. She was like, yeah, just being a big old slut, straddling these two things. And just the idea of our legs being stretched to like multiple sides of a scenario, right? And so I thought that was hilarious and I've just been really sitting with this for myself and it shows up in a few different ways. So I wanted to bring it to the podcast. 

Sometimes we make decisions, and we stay in this wishy washy space. So really, we haven't made a decision, but we're telling ourselves that we have. For example, you might say, Okay, I'm going to decide to go to this ECC today. Right? So you decide you're going, but then we don't necessarily take the responsibility of getting our brain fully on board with the decision. Right.

So maybe like last week, some of you might've experienced this at one of the ECCs, I had blocked off the calendar. I went and unfortunately they ran out of time. So they couldn't even see all of the equity performers that showed up, let alone go on to see non union people, right? And it's so easy to get on board with the decision of going. But then if we allow resentment, disappointment, frustration, that we made that decision, that is a perfect example of straddling the decision, right? 

So we made the decision to go and show up and we didn't get fully on board with seeing that the decision was made in service and for us. And even if it didn't go as planned, it still was happening exactly as needed, right?

Another example of straddling might be when you do something, right? And in the moment, it feels delicious and fun and amazing. And then the next day, you're like, oh boy. Right? Like I had that happen for me last week. My partner and I had a lot of events going on and it was so fun and so magical and I was riding the wave of just being in so much pleasure and fun and joy and giddiness, happiness, and then the next morning I'm like, well.

I slept in too long. I shouldn't have done that. I'm irresponsible. Right? And even then I was really straddling the decisions that I made and not being fully on board with and loving my actions, my decisions. And here's the thing, right? It's not to say that we can't evaluate or we can't, you know, look at and decide, okay, maybe that wasn't in service and maybe this is what I want to do different.

And how often are you keeping yourself in opposite positions, right? How often are you saying I'm going to do this contract comma, but dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, but this isn't really what I want to be doing, but. This is a waste of my time, but they're not paying me enough. Right? Like those are all really, again, clear examples of straddling your decisions.

The other thing that comes from straddling, honestly, your decision, your perspective, your opinion, your choice. I feel like this idea and concept really applies to many things, but really we just hold ourself in this split energy where we can't be fully where we are. Where we then are creating this paradigm where where we are is not where we want to be. And it's not necessarily accurate because we are there, right? So why not be a hundred percent where we are in our decision in support of ourselves and having our own back and like even being on board with it, right? 

I'm trying to think of another example where, you know, maybe you are consciously aware of this isn't my first choice, but either way, there's a reason why you are there, right? And so again, it's taking our attention off of why it's not where we want to be, why it's not exactly as it's planned, and reminding ourselves why you, all of us, me, the collective you, made the decision to be there. Again, this is just a tool for identifying and creating awareness of when you're holding split energy.

When you're like moving forward but looking back. Or when you're compare and despairing in a way that's not allowing you to fully enjoy where you are. And the thing is, again, it doesn't mean you have to be positive all the time. It doesn't mean you have to be happy about everything. And I think there's a world where we get to be appreciative of where we are, even if the circumstance is challenging.

I was talking to a client earlier today, and again, they found themselves in a similar situation when it comes to people pleasing, when it comes to not upholding their own boundaries and not clearly communicating how they feel and what they want, right? So in this sort of split energy, in this straddling energy. There's also a level of mistrust or distrust that's created with yourself, when you're not fully honoring and allowing authenticity of how you feel. When you're not really putting yourself first and prioritizing how you feel, right? Again, that's another way of straddling the circumstance, right?

It's like, okay, I'm going to allow this person to act this way and I'm going to feel shitty about it, knowing that I haven't said what I need to say. That I haven't created a new boundary, communicated that boundary, or withheld that boundary. or upheld, upheld that boundary, right? So again, that's just another example of how this straddling energy can really be split energy and wishy washy energy.

And so I want you to think about if there's something in your life right now where you're moving forward but you're also keeping your other foot on the ground. Or you're stepping off the shore, but you've still got that other foot on the ground. And what would it take to not be in split energy? 

Another good example of this, I had another client. We were talking about, you know, in their own business, going full time and wanting to lean into knowing that they can quit their job and move forward with this passion of theirs and really their purpose in life and how they want to contribute to the world. The thing about being in this straddling energy is also like just such a clear indicator that you haven't actually decided, right?

It's like, I'm leaving my job at the end of the year, comma, but... if I'm not ready, I can stay here. And again, it's not good, bad, right, or wrong. It's not really about whether you, you know, leave your job, go full time with this thing or, you know, whatever. Like it's not about the circumstance of quitting your job. It's really about showing you and having the awareness of where you're not fully committed, right? 

You'll know you're straddling when you're not moving forward as if the thing that you've decided is happening, right? You'll know you're straddling when you're like I could do that, but again, it's almost like the comma, but... I don't know if that's gonna work out. So let me stay over here and it's not good, bad, right, or wrong. But I want you to imagine the impact of when you're no longer straddling the circumstance the decision, your thought, your perspective, but you're really being all in on it.

The other reason why I think this is so important is because again, it's not only that we're missing out on being fully committed and that we're missing out on loving where we are... And I mean, those things alone, I feel like are reason enough to be just conscious of when we're doing this. I think it also invites in the removal of The Second Layer, right? So that we're not holding ourselves in guilt or shame or judgment about what is, but that we're really honoring what is happening and appreciating what is happening for the value of the circumstance. 

So. For example, again, like in the instance where I cleared my calendar, I, you know, built my day around this ECC that I really wanted to go to for a show that I was really excited about and then wasn't seen, right? If I'm holding myself in the place of feeling like that was a waste, or feeling like I was, you know, stupid for not signing up on the list earlier so that I could be a lower number on the list, like if I'm doing all of that, I miss out on the magic that happened that day. Which in truth was, I got to share the day with my sister. My sister and I got to go to our first ECC together, my younger sister and I. Right? We had so much fun and it happened exactly as it needed to happen. 

I got to be firsthand in the experience with my sister, showing her that sometimes things don't go as planned and it's not a problem. Either way, I'm still moving closer to my dream, right? It allows me to double down on my commitment to my career, because I did prioritize it. I did make it important and I showed up fully and I was prepared. I did the thing, right? 

And if I was holding myself in this place where I'm straddling while I did all this stuff and I didn't get seen, then I'm only taking away from the energy and the momentum that's available. Does that make sense? When we're straddling our decisions and we're regretting, we're having any hint of shoulda, woulda, coulda energy, we're adding on this Second Layer of judgment that just simply isn't useful, and it pulls us out of our power, it pulls us out of our energy, and it pulls us out of having the most potent, highest frequency moving forward.

Again, it's not about being good, bad, right or wrong. It's simply about having another entry point to understand when you're being wishy washy with yourself, right? So where are you straddling something in your life now? Where are you saying, I'm really excited about this thing, but dot, dot, dot... I'm really proud of myself, comma, but dot, dot, dot, right?

What does it look like to be all in on your decision and to not change it? What does it look like to move forward with full out all-in commitment? Not at the sake of sacrificing or overextending or pushing, but knowing that you are decided, you are committed, you are loving and having your own back in the decisions that you do make.

Because again, even on the nights where maybe I was like, Oh shoot, I partied hard and I leaned in and I had so much fun. Why would I then wake up the next morning and say, I wish I hadn't have lived my life so fully, right? It just is a disservice because I cannot go back and change that. And even if that means I slept in the next day, how amazing that I honored my body and rested, right?

So it's all these little ways that we can continue to build self trust, continue to build self love and appreciation when we're not straddling our decisions. When we're not holding wishy washy energy, but we're really letting ourselves be in alignment with what is when we're honoring what is and taking the value and learning from what is instead of judging, criticizing, or you know, using it against us. 

Again, it's not good, bad, right, or wrong to evaluate, but it's very different to evaluate with curiosity and openness, rather than judgment, shame, blame, criticism, and all of that extra energy that really is just Second Layer, okay? 

So your homework from this podcast is to just be aware, where are you moving forward and then maybe holding your foot on the other side? Where are you standing on two tree trunks that are five feet apart instead of firmly planting on one, right? Where can you be in service of your decisions and trusting yourself fully? In belief of where you're going even more, and what would be different if you weren't straddling your energy. All right.

I love you all. I will meet you back here for another episode. 

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. If you're committed to loving your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, come join us inside of The Performers Plan. You get lifetime access to the program, the community and high quality coaching for the rest of your career. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/theperformersplan to join us now. I'll see you inside.