Ep 53: Doing New Things

In this episode, we're going to be talking about the value of doing new things, of trying new things, of leaning in to welcoming newness into every single day. You ready?

Let's do it. Hello, you are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli youngman, and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life. both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode 53 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I am feeling so overjoyed, overfilled. My heart is so full and I have just been really coming out the other side of my own transition period and leaning into the magic and the fun of what is here and what is present. I have to tell you, I'm literally recording this on a Monday and I just had coaching calls inside of The Paradigm and I am just so lit up by the work I do always. And, you know, I was reflecting on what just literally just happened.

And I was thinking about the fact that again, you know, that pleasure has been a huge part of my work lately and leaning into prioritizing your pleasure, right? It's something we explore inside of The Performers Plan with our seven day challenge and exploration. And I was just thinking about how I now have the capacity to prioritize my pleasure. Meaning I was, you know, on coaching calls and decided like, wait a second, before I jump into recording my podcast, before I go and do more work for the sake of productivity, like, let me slow down.

And so I was like, you know, it'd be really fun if I had a dance party. And then I was like, Ooh, you know what'd be really fun if I make myself a matcha. Ooh, you know, what'd be even more fun is if I slowed down and I went and had a solo pleasure sesh and just masturbated. And all of these things might sound wild, maybe not. Maybe not if you've been going through the challenge and you've been leaning into your own pleasure, and I want you to really be aware of, are you honoring your pleasure? Are you honoring the experience that you're having? And yeah, pleasure doesn't only have to be sexual. It can come from any part of your life, but only when you open yourself up to allow and receive and engage with your pleasure, right?

I'm just thinking about like back in the day, I would have been like, Oh, that's so silly. Like I don't have time for that or I don't, you know, I don't need to do that. I need to just push through. But really all it does is lower our own air quote productivity when we're trying to be efficient. Right? Like we're so much more engaged with life when we're allowing it to be pleasurable. So again, if you haven't listened to that podcast about prioritizing self pleasure, if you're looking for a way to reconnect and plug into it, come do the 7 Day Challenge inside of The Performers Plan.

But just know that pleasure can be a way of life. You can be a witness, a creator of... just truly like. It's such a different life when pleasure is a priority. And again, it doesn't only have to be sexual pleasure. It can be enjoyment. It can be satisfaction. It can be appreciation. There's so many different shades of pleasure and taste. I mean, I also had like a delicious meal and it's just like so fun to let life be delicious. And so that is just like my one observation and share and reminder that your pleasure gets to be a priority. And if you're thinking it can't be, I want you to stop this episode before it even begins and start investigating why you are thinking your pleasure cannot come first. What are you associating pleasure with that has you put it off, that has you deny it, even if that means taking a break midday to freaking please yourself in whatever way and going out for a walk and calling a friend and having a dance party, right? Those things are just simply available to you all of the time and you get to decide that you are available to engage with it.

Okay, so honestly in alignment or in continuation of this idea of pleasure, I've been thinking about what's been making the biggest impact in my life lately and a huge part of that has been leaning in to new things. So that is what we're going to talk about in today's episode. I think I've been mentioning and sharing little snippets of things that have been happening right throughout the summer. And I feel like this summer has truly been magical because of my willingness to do new things.

And honestly, that starts with my breakup and that starts with, you know, deciding to take my trip to Italy and going to my best friend's wedding and solo traveling for the first time on both ends of the trip and being in new places. Being willing to experience new things. Like hands down. And I'm going to talk about this. throughout the whole episode today.

But really, I just want you to stop and think for a second, when is the last time you did something new? Okay. When's the last time you did something new? Whether it means go to a different part of the city or take a different walk on your way home, take a new path, order a new dish. Listen to a new type of music, right? I am just so bewildered by the amount of new things that have been coming into my life and how it contributes to my self concept, to my identity, to how I move through the world when I am the kind of person that is excited to try new things. The difference of being excited and open to new things, rather than afraid or intimated by.

Again, honestly, it's not a problem if you're afraid or intimidated, because those feelings, any umbrella of feelings that go along with it, never have to stop you from doing something new, and imagine how fun it is to be the person who's excited by the possibility of something new, right? The version of you that loves new things and invites new things in.

It's kind of been a running theme or thought in my life of thinking, "Oh, wow. This moment has never happened before." This moment has never happened before. This experience is completely new. And even just acknowledging it in the moment creates this space, this capacity to really appreciate and find so much wonder and awe in life. Because how freaking cool is that? We live on a planet where new things can happen every day.

And the reason why this is so valuable is because we know that when we're trying new things, we're opening up space to become something different, to experience a different outcome, to be in the presence of newness. Right? Versus when we are sort of doing things the same exact way, or, you know, expecting the same outcomes or having the same routines and the same patterns. We know that that all creates the same felt emotions that are very practiced and well rehearsed. They introduce the same kinds of thoughts. They allow us to keep the same kinds of beliefs. And then we just start creating a very predictable future that's based on the past, right? So the only way to start having new outcomes or new results is to be willing to try new things and being open to receiving a different outcome on the other side.

So seriously, like I've lived in Harlem for over eight years now. And only recently did I have Senegalese food, right? Food from Senegal, like African food. Never once in my life had I had it. And it's so wild to me that it's right here in my neighborhood, and I've just walked past the restaurants many times. Like literally walked past, and unknowingly, just not had the conscious thought of like, let me try that. That could be for me. Right. And I think we do this in so many ways when we just associate who we are, the places we go, the things we eat, the things we do with our past selves.

And so when we're in exploration, when we're curious, when we're exploring and like consciously choosing to explore, that's when we have the ability to have new experiences. Ever since having Senegalese food the first time, I've had it so many times and I've tried new dishes and it's just been something that's been so delightful. Again, just was not in my consciousness to even try. Right?

On top of that, I want you to imagine how often are you putting yourself in the position to meet new people? I'm even thinking of like, you know, when you go to a party and you are like going with a friend or maybe you go by yourself, but like, how often do you stay in your bubble of the people you went with and how often are you engaging and connecting with the people around you? Like being willing and open to meet and communicate with strangers and to find, I don't know, I was going to say commonality, but I don't even think it needs to be commonality, even though I think there's beauty in celebrating the oneness of humanity. And just the fact that we're all having a human experience on this spinning ball called planet earth.

Like, I think that's really fascinating and just like connection, right? Like how often are you making new friends? How often are you making new connections? How often are you exposing yourself to new ideas? Whether it's through audio books or podcasts, or again, just connecting with different people outside of your circle.

Another thing that's been really fun and new for me is listening to new music, right? Listening to different genres that aren't normally in my repertoire. Like, I feel like there's so much appreciation to be found in just giving yourself the opportunity to appreciate it. Right? Like, I feel like lately I've been listening to a lot of like house and soul and sort of like old school hip hop, or I don't even know. Now I'm probably not even saying the right genres. But even like, honestly, I've been having new experiences and going back and listening to old songs that I loved and like having the experience be new because of who I am now listening to the songs, right?

There's just so many opportunities. Like I have tried new drinks, new foods, new sex positions, new styles of clothing, new everything. Like everything has been new lately. New bath salts, new hair products, like just being willing to break away from who I think I am, what I think I know, not even break away from, but to expand. To like really expand and go outside of who I have defined myself to be, right? Because again, our self concept is always coming from us. It's always a creation of our past experiences and where we think we're going and all of this. And so it's like, what does it look like to really lean into the magic and the power and the possibility that comes from new things?

I feel like I'm also thinking about the fact that when we do new things, it gives us an opportunity to find things that are more in alignment, to find things that really resonate with us and light us up. Like I'm even thinking about, you know, in my past relationship, my partner and I, we would go to a lot of techno events and I love techno, like love techno. And we would go to these parties or raves or whatever you want to call them shows. And it was always the best time, like I loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, right?

Like there's a very like, I don't know, uniform kind of dancing that feels very expressed, but also very contained, but it always felt like the most fun. This summer I went to a party called shit. I can't remember the name. I'll have to look it up, but I think it was like soul something. And it was a totally different kind of dance party, right? I went there and it felt like night and day, right? Even though it was like music and live DJs and all of this stuff, it was a totally different, vibrant experience. And again, I love the darkness of raves and techno and the lights and like the smoky fogginess of it and, in contrast, this other party I went to was like, joyful, rainbow, I don't even know, explosion of outwardly expressed creativity, right?

It's not good, bad, right or wrong, but I literally had never experienced something like that, where there were people on roller skates and then there were people partner dancing and then there were people like break dancing. And then there were people, you know, just like all these different pockets of people just doing their thing and like really being so again, outwardly expressed. And it's just so interesting that I had never been to a party like that. And I was like, wow, this is so different and so fun and so new. Right. And if we only stick to the things that we know, we're only ever going to keep experiencing things that we can predict, things that we know, things that we think resonate with us most of the time because of the familiarity.

Right. And yeah, of course, there's things that we just like and we inherently love and yes, lean into doing all of those things. And what happens when you really expand the parameters? When you're open to trying completely different things. I even had the experience of like going to Washington Square Park in the middle of the night or going for a midnight walk along the water, right? Like those kinds of experiences. I don't know. Maybe I watched a little too much SVU growing up and just like, it made me nervous to like go outside in the dark at night. And I don't know, I think I just had this like sort of subconscious fear that it was dangerous to be in the city at night. And what I found was that actually there's like these magical moments that are available, like taking a walk along the water, along the river and getting to look up at the stars in the middle of the night at like one in the morning. What? Like that's so fun and that's so new and not something I've ever done before.

And it's like, I think it changes things when you make the goal to do new things. When you intentionally choose to do new things and to make it a priority, that's when you can start really, really exploring. And it's another way to really get to know yourself too, right? Of like, okay, well, like I thought I never wanted to wear perfume and only recently I've been like, Oh, wait a second. Actually, I like perfume. I just haven't like found a scent that feels really like me or really aligns with me. And like maybe some of the shit that you're adhering to, similar to what we talked about on the belief systems episode is just things you've been operating under that don't need to be true anymore.

Like, I feel like my household used to be very scent free because it was sort of a principle of fine dining and chefs and this whole lifestyle of like, if you go to a Michelin star restaurant, you're not going to wear a very overpowering perfume, because it's going to interfere with your senses and the way you experience the food. But like, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a perfume when I'm walking down the street or when I'm in my apartment, or just like, even if my desire has shifted. I can welcome in newness.

And so I think another thing that I want to add is like in the vein of bringing in newness, I think the other side of the coin is really being willing to release the old, right? And to not have the expectation that something in the past should make you feel the same way. That something you've tried before won't work because it didn't work in the past, right? It really goes back to the same idea that I've been talking about of really being willing to destroy and uncreate the things of the past to experience new outcomes. To be fully available and present for the new things that are here now.

Okay. So I really want to invite you to have so much fun with trying new things. Again, it doesn't have to be super big, but it could even be I'm going to try a new path to the train. I'm going to try listening to different music in the morning, or I'm going to wake up and dance first thing. I'm going to incorporate new things into my life and be open and available to receive new things. Because in the openness, we are not then shutting down or closing off possibilities. We're only ever expanding them.

This also means literally just holding the self concept of being the kind of person that enjoys trying new things, because if you already are assuming that you like things to be the same, if you like routine, it's not good, bad, right or wrong to hold on to that, but it's going to shift the amount of newness and the capacity for newness that you allow yourself to have. So step into playing with how could I try something new today? How can I appreciate a new moment, right? How can I find wonder and awe for the new things that are coming into my life?

Because new things, the unknown, things that are coming, don't have to feel scary or uncertain. Instead, they can be a source of empowerment, of strength, of curiosity, of learning, right? Like all of these things get to add value and it just really expands who we allow ourselves to be and what we think is for us or not. What we think is in alignment with us or not. We might stumble into something that we would have never considered for ourselves that ends up being the best fucking case scenario.

And this really, again, last last thing I'll say is it goes back to the belief that we always get what we want or better. And so when we're unattached to how we think things are supposed to be or how we should do them or how we've always done them, that's when we really get to be in open space to play and discover and to have as many different kinds of experiences that we can while we're here on this planet.

There's no good, bad, right or wrong. There's only opportunity, fun, play, discovery. And this week, I'm inviting you to lean into as many new things as possible and to welcome each new moment of your day with open arms, love, and so much excitement. All right. That's what I got for you this week. I'll meet you back here for another episode.

Hey, I want to invite you to get started because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually worked together. If you're committed to loving your life as an actor, singer, or dancer, come join us inside of The Performers Plan. You get lifetime access to the program, the community and high quality coaching for the rest of your career. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/theperformersplan to join us now. I'll see you inside.