In this episode, we're gonna be talking about your Created Identity and how the way you think and treat yourself and the decisions you make impact what you are allowing yourself to believe is for you. All of this expands your self concept and what you allow into your life experience. You ready? Let's do it.

Hello, you are listening to The Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves in their lives way more so. Keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode 44 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I hope everyone is still just reeling from the magic of the Tonys and just leaning in to ride that wave of momentum. I know my clients have been feeling it and enjoying it and celebrating, and I have to give a major freaking shout out to my client J, who was one of the first non-binary actors to win a freaking Tony this year. So congrats to J. So freaking fun. We're all celebrating you and I've said this before, but truly, my clients are change makers and leaders of the industry now and forever. Now and in the future, by who you're being, by how you're showing up, by how your energy is uniquely being shared with the world.

And if you're listening to this podcast, if you're part of The Performers Plan or The Paradigm Community, just know that this is how I view you and this is how I view the work that we do together. And I know it is just truly creating ripple effects in the industry when you are showing up authentically as yourself and really honoring the potency of your infinite potential, of your potency and magic and power of you. Like you are a gift to this industry and you really do get to step into treating yourself as such. Okay. This is a big part of my work, but especially the work that we do in The Paradigm when we're talking about created identity and owning your infinite potential and really thinking about legacy.

So if that's where you are in your specific journey, if you're thinking about the impact that you want to have creatively and artistically in leaving your mark on the world and on the industry itself, you really wanna join us inside of the paradigm because these are the kinds of conversations that we are having. Right now we are enrolling for the July class. And that cohort, we're gonna mastermind for six months. So we start in July and we mastermind through December. And you get to start expanding the way, not only you're treating yourself, but how you are showing up to the world and how you're valuing the impact that you uniquely can make just by being who you are.

Your work matters. Your dreams matter. Your artistry matters. Your unique point of view matters. And so again, if you are in a space where this is where your brain has been going, if you've been thinking about the impact that you want to have throughout your life and career as an artist, you wanna be in the room. Okay. Join us this round. Don't wait until January because a lot can happen in six months and over the course of six months, the ideas, the actions, the way you show up is gonna be so deeply impacted by the beliefs that you're creating and the way you are allowing yourself to feel on a regular basis, right?

Like that really is the power of coaching and having a coach to guide you, to show you your brain and where you can be expanding is really invaluable. So that's my spiel for today.

So let's jump into this week's episode. And it ties into the idea of created identity. I've been really thinking about this deeply because of an experience that I had over the weekend. One of my best friends is getting married and I went to Philly for their bachelorette weekend and there was just a couple of moments where I really was able to see so clearly the identity that I've created for myself and the habits and the quality of my life that I've created.

Now, I wanna be clear that this isn't a judgment. There is no one good, bad, right or wrong way, and the way that you live does not have to mirror mine. Okay? Wanna be very clear that I'm not saying you have to live the way that I live, and I just found that there were a couple of moments where I thought it was really interesting that there was a big gap between how I was treating myself and how other people were treating themselves, okay?

And so I just for myself, have been reflecting deeply on it because I think that, like I said, it ties into this idea of Created Identity. It ties into the life experience that you allow yourself to have. And truly, this is one of the ways that you can be expanding and raising your lifestyle, your frequency, expanding the amount of money that you associate yourself with. All of these things really do come from not only how we think about ourselves, our beliefs about ourselves, but then how we treat ourselves on a daily basis.

So one of the things that I thought was just like really interesting was that, you know, there was one day that I took a shower and I was like coming up to you know, do my makeup and hair with everyone and get ready together. And my best friend looked at me and was like, wow, Kelli really loving the spa vibes that you brought. And I was like, oh. And I just like didn't even think about it because this is something that I live every single day. Right. She was just, Sort of acknowledging and appreciating my robe, and I had my slippers that I had packed, and I just had the things that make me comfortable, right?

And it isn't good, bad, right or wrong, but I realized that yeah, I live my life as if I am at a spa most days. Like over the years I have accumulated matching pajama sets and, and I mean, when I say matching pajama sets, I literally have like two that I love that I wear most days, and I have my really nice Cuyana robe that I felt like was an investment and like, again, this is all relative. You, you might have something even fancier than I do. Right. But I feel like it's just like having house slippers, having pajamas that I love and that I feel good in, and having a robe that just feels really luxurious. I love building in luxury into my life.

And again, I think I've said this on other podcasts, your life doesn't have to necessarily reflect luxury, but it feels very different going to bed. And I still do this sometimes too, but it feels very different when I go to bed in an oversized t-shirt versus when I'm wearing my matching pajama sets. Like it just does, right? I mean, hey, you can totally be sleeping in the nude too. There's no judgment, right? But it's like what happens when you start treating yourself like you matter, right?

Like, I'm even gonna say it, I'm just gonna say it. I feel like that moment of like refreshing your bras and underwear and undergarments and socks, like getting rid of the ones that are unmatched and you know, have holes in it and you know, ladies, what I'm about to say. The ones that you know, you just keep for that time of the month. It's like what happens when you raise the frequency of like, I just get to wear nice shit all of the time. Like I don't wear junk. Right. Again. It isn't good, bad, right or wrong. I am not judging you for it. I have been there. I'm just like reflecting back that this is a way that energetically you can start expanding your self-concept and your identity, right?

I also know, like I haven't been getting facials regularly now. For a while I was going monthly and even just from that, my skincare kind of expanded, right? So like I tried an oil cleanser and then I have my gel cleanser and just even like, I remember when I finally bought a gua sha and I was like, oh, this is so nice. And if I'm being completely honest, I might not do that all of the time, but when I take the time to do my scrub and like use my exfoliator once a week and use my freaking enzyme mask, right, like, it does change the way that I think about myself and the time that I'm willing to take.
Now you might be thinking, Kelli, not everyone has the time, the money, the desire. And you know what? You're right. And for right now, I am speaking to the humans who actively want to raise their frequency, who actively want to make more money, who actively want to change the paradigm of how you're existing. Because at some point you are going to have to shift your thoughts, your perspective, your vibration of wealth in order to experience more tangible wealth in your life, right?

There's a big difference between, you know, I don't wanna say hoarding, but like navigating the resources that you have allocating them in a very specific way and you know, just buying the things that you normally buy and it isn't good, bad, right or wrong, but there's a certain set of beliefs that are driving those actions and decisions.
And it doesn't have to be like, oh, all of a sudden you go out and you get freaking La Mer cream and all of these things that are not, you know, important to you and they're so expensive. Right. That's not the point. But it's like, maybe it is starting with the simplicity of like, oh, you know, I've always wanted to like get organic groceries and it's always felt out of my budget. What does it look like to start buying organic avocados instead of regular avocados? Right. Again, this is just. Some examples for you to tangibly grasp onto, and I want you to make sure that you're not only hearing what I'm saying very literally.

You don't have to buy organic anything if you don't want to. If that's not a core value of yours, that's totally fine. But I know that something that's been a huge expander for me is really letting myself have the best of what I want, so that I can create the experience that I desire, and that does include what I'm putting into my body and the fuel and the nutrition that I am believing is available or aligns with the kind of person that I am.

So this is an opportunity for you to get clear of, what are my beliefs about myself? Who am I? What are the kinds of things that I do, and what do I associate with who I am and the identity that I've created? At one point in time, I would've never thought that I was the kind of person who bought like, vegetables, and I know that sounds so wild, but I went through a phase where I really did not cook at all.

Like at my first apartment, not first, but my first apartment that I lived with my partner, we did not have a stove or gas for like months. So my regular diet consisted of like deli sandwiches from the bodega, like, I don't even know, takeout and salads. I think that was like the extent of my cooking, right? So there was a time that I wasn't even buying like sweet potatoes or broccoli or cauliflower or things like that, right?

So like at one point in time that had to be a self-concept shift of like, oh no, I'm the kind of person that can buy ingredients and prepare them, right? So again, it doesn't have to be money, literally, or buying more expensive things. And at some point, if you want to raise your identity when it comes to wealth, there has to be an expansion at some point.

And so another example that came up was, you know, one of my other friends bought my friend a gift. And it was just one of those moments where they shared like, oh, I love all of these beautiful things and I just never really buy them for me. I just buy them for other people. And again, I love my friends, but this was one of those glaring moments where it was like, Hey, why are you not buying that for yourself? Right. Why not? Why are we like willing to buy flowers or gifts or nice things for other people?
And I think it really comes down to this idea of being selfish and feeling like we can't prioritize treating ourself the same way. That somehow if we treat ourselves in this way, that it's indulgent or you know, Again, I think it sometimes comes back to the idea of time or money and feeling like we should prioritize that for other things, but truly, I think this has been one of the biggest game changers for myself is that I always treat myself just as well as I would treat someone else, with the same amount of generosity and kindness and thoughtfulness that I would give a friend and buying them a gift.

Right. It's like truly the little things of me buying my favorite candle or picking up some flowers just because, right? Being willing to use our resources for ourselves instead of feeling like these little luxuries, like treating yourself to a coffee or a matcha or any of these examples that I gave, but doing it from a place of it gets to be a necessity, right? Like the quality of your life can be a necessity, not a luxury.
And again, I'm using that idea interchangeably because I personally love the idea of luxury. It's one of my core values of like having a really luxurious life experience in terms of, just like how I want to move through the world, like it just is, and so it doesn't have to be that for you, but like seeing these things not as indulgent or something extra, but just starting to build them into the fabric of how you move through the world, right?

And so I wanna just invite you to get curious, right? Like, where are the ways that you sometimes stop yourself or tell yourself, eh, I don't really need that, or like I'll get by without it. Like, I don't need that. Right? And it might even just be like the simplicity of like, letting yourself take a cab when you're really freaking tired instead of getting on a 50 minute subway ride.

It doesn't have to be something you're doing every day and it can just start being, even if you are like, you know what? I don't wanna use that money, or air quote, don't have space in the budget for it. The thing is you, you're never gonna have space in the budget for something that you haven't been consistently doing, you're gonna create it by building it into your budget, by building it into the non-negotiables in your life, right?

But even if you literally were like, no, seriously Kelli, I have $0. I cannot do that. What I want you to do instead is just start energetically being a fuck yes. Of like, I'm the kind of person that always has car service. Like honestly, that's where I see my future living in Manhattan for the rest of my life. Having like luxurious car service one, because I feel like every time you get car service drivers are just so nice, and especially when you're traveling, they carry your bags. I'm like, oh yes. Like that's what I'm inviting in.
And even if I'm not going door to door from my appointments. Now what I do lean into is being like, oh yes, I'm the kind of woman that has car service. I am the kind of human that just gets point A to point B with so much ease and space and calm, right? And then I can bring those feelings into my ride on the subway. Like I have nothing against the subway and I also know that the MTA is my bff, my freaking bestie. It's always right there for me. Right? But there's an energetic shift that happens when you start saying, yes.

I was telling my mastermind, the performers in The Paradigm about how I've been just like really imagining like this luxurious. Possibility of laying down in first class and flying to Italy for my best friend's wedding, and actually, I haven't even told this part of the story, but it was really wild because first class tickets were like $8,000, but I was still like, you know what? I'm gonna be fuck yes about this, right? Even if it's not right here, right now that I'm gonna drop $8k for a plane ticket. How fun to know that I'm the kind of person that could do that eventually, right? Like easy breezy first class ticket, of course. Right. Like that's the way I'm like expanding my self-concept, right? Already being like a yes, this is for me. I'm the kind of person that can do this thing. Right?

And the fun thing about it is with the power of manifestation, I really was just like, Hey universe, this is so fun. And I was really, really, really, really, really leaning into visualizing flying first class to Italy. And I have to tell you that there was one day randomly that I was looking at tickets and instead of $7k, the ticket was only $2,500 to fly first class to Italy and the return flight I think was coach, but I still was like, whoa, what is happening? Like this is a glitch in the matrix.

And to be honest, I did not end up purchasing the ticket because of just where certain funds were at that point of time. I had money in limbo and in transit, but it was so fun to show my brain. Oh wow. Imagine how different it would've been if my brain was saying, oh, first class, that's not for me. Like that's for rich people. And if I had never even just opened the possibility to, yeah, that's for me and it can happen in many different ways. Right. And even though I didn't get that specific ticket, it was like the most delicious, delightful thing to be like, wow, things can happen in unexpected ways when you are open to the magic.

Right? And so going back to remembering that. You get to be the creator of your life. The only person who can ever expand or raise or change your quality of life, the life that you are living - it's literally only you. Right? From the brand of toilet paper you buy to the kind of food that you eat, to the way that you keep your apartment. The quality of life comes from you. And when you are being intentional about your self concept, you also can really look at, okay, where do I see my life 3, 5, 10 years from now? How does that version of me think, feel, and act in the world. This is one of the ways I help my clients anchor into Created Identity is by really being specific.

The version of me that's making millions of dollars is not waiting until they're freaking starving and ravenous to eat food. They're not waiting to think about, you know, stocking the fridge or having nothing in my fridge. And I have to be honest, for many, many years that was the case. It was like, oh, I don't know. I guess I gotta get something to eat. Guess I gotta go to Subway. Guess I gotta like go freaking figure it out. It was like my college life, just like on repeat or something. And then it really becomes this opportunity to just change the whole belief system of who you're being, right?

Like being the kind of person, again, it doesn't have to look like what my life looks like, but being the kind of person that's willing to take Epsom salt baths, that's willing to plan time to freaking nap, to masturbate, to get my nails done, to do my makeup in the morning because I want to, right? Like from the space of knowing that I am enough and holding space for the kind of human experience that I want to have. I love doing my hair. I love feeling put together. And again, this isn't a judgment on anyone else. And it's okay to want to be the kind of person, whatever that looks like for you, but like specifically in my example, like it's okay for me to be the kind of person that cares about how I present myself in the universe, right?

I think maybe in the past it would've been a little bit more outward facing of like, oh, I want them to like me. And that is very different from like, this is how I want to feel when I show up. So you wanna be doing that and making that choice from the inside out rather than for, you know, approval or acceptance or earning your worthiness, anything like that, right? That's all soggy, but you know the difference. When it's like, oh, you know what? I'm going to get myself a bottle of wine because I love it and this one is a little bit more expensive, but like I'm the kind of person that drinks good wine.
And again, I'm not saying you have to do this every single time you purchase things. It would just be really interesting to see what happens when you are looking through the lens of, of course. Of course, this is who I am. I make investments. I invest in myself with massages, with dance classes, with voice lessons, with coaching, with literally anything that serves you, including acupuncture, massage, like you know the story and the saga... I've been talking about my dental work on my Instagram, and even leaning into, I get to have an amazing dentist, right? Like I am the kind of person that just takes care of myself, period.

And when you raise the frequency, when you raise the baseline of how you treat yourself, how you think about yourself, how you engage with your life in the way you're making decisions, you get to lead a more desired based life and you get to show yourself that you can be the kind of person that can make more money, that can experience more wealth, and can just have that as a part of who you are and how you move to the world.

Okay, the last last thing I'll say is like, I even remember like while we were at the bachelorette trip, like we got oysters for dinner and then we were at brunch the next day and I was like, you know what? I kind of want oysters again. And I noticed my brain wanting to be like, eh, that's a little much, don't you think that's a little indulgent? Like who do you think you are? And it would just be fun to even just practice having the awareness of when your brain is telling you that something is not for you, and then practicing expanding.

Well, what if it was? What if I was the kind of person that could go grocery shopping and not think about the prices? What if I was the kind of person that could just take a dance class and not be worried about how much it costs? Right? Like the experience can change simply by your belief system of who you are believing you are and reinforcing that you are every single day. Okay. That's what I got for you this week. I'll meet you back here for another episode.

Hey, I wanna invite you to get started, because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. There are two ways to work with me privately, one-on-one or inside of the paradigm with high quality community. Either way, you're gonna go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book your free launch call. We're gonna spend 60 minutes together with you and your unique dream and vision to co-create a plan to get you there. Let's freaking go.