In this episode, we're going deeper with time and we're gonna talk about how it pertains to feeling behind in your career. Because the truth is there are no specific milestones that you're supposed to be hitting. Those are all made up, and by the end of this episode, you will know exactly what I'm talking about. You ready? Let's do it.

Hello, you are listening to The Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves in their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello, and welcome back to episode 37 of the Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. I'm your host, Kelli Youngman. I actually always wanted to say that, so thanks for indulging me. Okay. I am honestly having the biggest, okay, maybe not biggest, but it feels like the biggest breakthroughs of my life. It feels like all of the coaching that I've been receiving and working on, and yes, I mean, honestly, things that I've already had breakthroughs about in the past, something is just hitting, slapping. What's the thing the cool kids are saying these days? It slaps. I don't know.

But the most magical freaking thing about coaching is that it can literally feel like, I imagine like, you know, like the locks you used to put on your gym locker or your school locker, you know, like the old school combination locks. And I know I've said this on the podcast before, but coaching can feel like you just turn it one notch to the right and it unlocks everything. And, truly lessons like things that my coaches have been sharing with me over the past three years are just landing and making sense and going deeper in a way that I didn't even know was possible.

And it's so fun because I think it proves that, you know, coaching and the results from coaching are cumulative, meaning that it compounds, right? Like it keeps adding on. And I know this to be true because I literally still hear like my first coach and my second, like all of my coaches, I hear them in my brain. Even the ones that I no longer work with. I still hear their thoughts, their process, their tools in my mind as I'm thinking and approaching things. And it's just like in my brain. Right, and I know the same thing is true for my clients. I literally had someone reach out to me recently and was just like, oh my gosh. I know we're not working together, but. I just, I hear your voice in my head all of the time, and I'm so grateful for our work together and like that's how it is, right?

Like the work you do in coaching gets to go with you for your entire life, and there's just gonna be moments where it really sinks in and hits at a deeper freaking level. It's like there's no limit to the depth that these lessons and concepts and skills and tools can bring into your life when you're willing to let them go deeper, when you're willing to take them to new depths, when you're willing to relearn and relearn and relearn a lesson until it feels truly expansive. It is such a freaking gift. And I mean, I don't know if it's my afternoon coffee or what, but I am just feeling so fresh and revitalized and freaking excited to keep sharing the things that I'm learning and growing through.

We are gonna do part two today of thoughts about time. But before we do, I literally just have to say like, I had a whirlwind of a week last week. I flew to LA on Wednesday, had two pretty long days. Flew to San Francisco, saw one of my best friends. Flew back to New York, went straight into two auditions, like it's been a big week. And I was telling my partner Steve, I was telling him, it just felt like I lived five different lives. And I think that's what just cracked open the space. And I mean, I think I also like made the conscious choice to really learn, through the challenges, through the growth, through the experiences, and seriously, I feel like a different woman. So get ready because one, we're gonna jump into today's podcast, but there's gonna be a lot of juicy content coming up because yeah... this is just gonna be a whole new season of Kelli, of me being in my full power and authority, and I know some good shit is about to come out of it. So I can't wait to share it all with you as I can, and yeah, to just keep freaking growing together.

Okay. So let's jump back in to thoughts about time. So on last week's episode, we dove into a little bit of like more of the scheduling thoughts, more of the logistical time thoughts, more of like, okay, how am I relating to my time, specifically, generally throughout the week. Right, like what does it look like to have a full schedule and to not be overwhelmed by it, or depleted by it, or annoyed by it, but really leaning into, I don't know how I felt like the past couple of days, right? It's like, wow, I really lived my life to the max. Like, I love that thought. It feels so fun and juicy. Like I really got the most out of life today when I have a full day. And it's even better when you're choosing to love your commitments and love what you're putting on your schedule and on your calendar, and also honoring the things that matter the most to you.

So that's just a little bit of a recap and a little bit of a refresher to bring you back into this concept of time is how we choose to experience it. And so another aspect of this, something that I mentioned briefly on last week's episode that we're gonna dive into today is just sort of the idea or the perception that we are behind. When we are feeling behind whether it's age or milestones or whatever is creating the behindness, right? Maybe someone else's journey and someone else's milestones. When we are in the perception of behind it does not feel so good, right?

Feeling behind feels, at least for me and from what I've coached many of my clients through is that feeling behind feels stressful. It amplifies lack, scarcity of opportunities, scarcity of time for opportunities, and it really also creates like this urgency and pressure to be accomplishing more, right? You'll know you're in this energy of behind if you are like, this is not happening fast enough. Like, I need to book this now. Like I need to get an audition today. And the urgency and the scarcity and the sort of lack that's driving it is also always only amplifying the fact that we aren't where we want to be, air quote, want to be. We aren't there yet. We don't have what we want, right? And so when we're in that energy, it feels like I said really not fun. And we miss out on the fun along the way. We miss out on living the life that we have right here, right now.

And it's just so interesting because that energy doesn't actually help us get to our goals or reach accomplishments or have the end result we're looking for, whether it's a job, a relationship, a certain amount of money in your bank account, like the behindness, and I mean, we're gonna look at it through the lens of specifically career today, but it's like, all of that is totally made up. And the feeling of behind is never gonna speed up the process. It's only ever gonna slow us down. Okay. Feeling behind, even if it is creating a sense of urgency or hustle or you know, pressure, our brain thinks that's gonna like air quote, light a   fire under our ass and get us to move and go, but it's never actually going to bring us closer to the end result.

And here is why. Because when you're feeling behind, when you're experiencing your career, your life from pressure, you are not actually in the energetic alignment to receive. You're not in the energetic alignment to engage with the world around you and like literally you won't see the doors that are opening up for connection, for engagement, for just like these possibilities that exist right here in front of you. And I'm gonna give you just like a little baby example of this. We all know what it's like to be the person that's rushing. Like, I gotta get there, I gotta get there, I gotta get there.

And I actually had this happen to me in an audition recently where I didn't even notice I was doing it, but I had an audition appointment and it just ran a little bit longer than expected. You know, like the breakdown, I think the appointment details said like an hour, but then there was like a 45 minute wait until we sang and it just got kind of close to when I needed to be home for a client call. And I mean, generally speaking, my clients are amazing and we understand that things come up and if I had to reschedule, I totally could have, and I knew it was possible to do both. Like it was just a possibility in the world. There was literal time for both of those things to happen.

But in the moment I remember feeling like, oh my gosh, I gotta get in. I gotta get out. And so like I danced amazingly. I got kept to sing, and then when it came time to sing, I went into the room with this like unintentional, frantic energy of like, Oh my gosh. I like, all right, let me give the pianist you know, the tempo and let me give them the instructions and let me, you know, okay. And then I'm just gonna go over here. I'm gonna sing my song. And I had this like, sort of like unintentionally, like I said, frantic energy, this rushing energy. And I wasn't as like, dropped into being present to enjoying the people in the room. And I know this is kind of going back to a little bit of what we talked about last week, right?

In the literal moments of rushing. But those moments add up to the way you are experiencing your career. Imagine if you're bringing that urgency, that feeling of like, I gotta get this done. I gotta get there. I gotta book this appointment, I gotta book this show, I gotta get to my career goals. Like imagine if you're bringing that urgency and feeling behind, not only in the literal day-to-day moments, but in the big picture, in the macro perspective. Like imagine all of the magic you miss out on when you're like rushing from place to place. Like literally and hypothetically, right?

Like when you're rushing from like your apartment to the subway, you're just like in the zone and you're just like, oh my God, I'm late. Like you're late and you're rushing. It's not like the same energy of like slowing down and like seeing the beautiful blue, clear sky and like observing the fiercely unique, beautiful people that you're passing by. It's like the same energy of like when you're in an audition room and you don't have access to experiencing the magic and witnessing everyone else's brilliance because you are like so hyper focused on like the end result of getting the callback right? You miss out on the connection. You miss out on being at the perfect place at the right time, right?

Being at the right place at the right time, air quote, doesn't come from luck. It doesn't come from like, anything outside of you, right? Like being at the right place at the right time, air quote, receiving those opportunities, receiving the possibilities, running into someone you've been thinking about, that comes from alignment. That comes from you being an energetic match to the things that you're thinking about, including opportunities. Like that's the power of utilizing the Law of Attraction and like being conscious of what you're manifesting, right? It comes back to how you are feeling and vibrating and moving through the world day by day by day.

When you are buying into the idea that you have to be at a certain place at a certain time and you're, air quote, nowhere near hitting that, can you see how all of the examples I gave are just like contributing to that energy? We all know what it's like when you're the one who's calm and relaxed to like observe someone else like moving frantically, right? You're like, oh, wow, that person's in a rush. Or, oh wow, that person's stressed. You can feel it in their energy. And it's kind of like, whoa, okay. And it's not good, bad, right or wrong. We all have those moments. We all possibly have those days, right? But it's like that's not how you wanna be experiencing the majority of your career.

And so when we think about, you know, just all of these perspectives, especially when you're young, right? I don't know about you, but when you're young, you're like, I'm gonna be married by the time I'm 25. I'm gonna have kids by the time I'm 27, and then I'm gonna be, you know, I don't know, X, Y, Z by the time I'm 30. I don't know why, but you know, like as a kid, for me, especially 30 was like so old. And now as someone who's in her thirties, I'm like, I am just getting started. I'm in my prime. I have never felt more confident or more certain or more in love with what I get to do and who I get to be in the world and as a performer and in my career, right?

I'm just here to say that as a performer in my thirties that has been doing this my entire life, it is possible to still love your career. Okay. For all my youngins listening to the podcast. And for everyone who's older than that, amazing. Guess what? You get to just decide that you're the perfect age for your career, okay? That you are exactly where you're supposed to be for your career. And I know that like, hypothetically speaking, we could do evaluations, we could, you know, look objectively at the circumstances and the facts and all of those things.

But I just want you to consider what if that were true? What if you are exactly where you are supposed to be on your unique journey? And imagine how differently you engage with your career when you believe I'm exactly where I need to be. My career is just getting started and it's about to get really freaking good. Imagine how that feels versus like, oh, I'm getting up there. My body doesn't move the same way as it used to. What is this voice? It's like, you know, I'm just really getting too old for this shit and I'm just so tired and my aching body.

You know, it's so funny to me because really we forget that our bodies respond to our thoughts, and those thoughts are optional. Just give it a try. Okay. And I'll actually use Steve as an example because he's in his forties. Okay. And he feels always like a young spring chicken. Does anyone else say that? I love saying that phrase, a young spring chicken. He's always like, Nope, I'm not getting older. I'm getting younger. My body feels great. Nope, I'm good. Like he sees himself in a perfect bill of health all of the time. And it actually really inspires me because sometimes I am like the hypochondriac of the relationship of like, oh my God, I have a little bit of a cough. You know?

But it's like, What happens when you see yourself in perfect health? When you believe that your cells and your body and everything is just oiled up, juiced up, right? Like your joints are healthy. It's just different. It informs your cells differently on a quantum physics level, I know I throw the science in here a lot, and I don't talk about it in full depth, but that's what you need to know is that your cells literally are being informed by your brain from your thoughts, right? You are in control of your body. You get to visualize and imagine and create the way that you move through your life. Okay? So what if you decide, no matter what age you are, you are perfectly healthy. Your career is just getting started. And you have time to accomplish every single thing you desire.

Right, because what's meant for you is never gonna pass you by. And if you're like, okay, Kelli, but tick tock... things aren't happening in the way that they're supposed to, and I'm supposed to be an ingenue. I'm supposed to be where I'm supposed to be, right? Like, I just wanna offer that. Like who says, who says you were supposed to do X, Y, and Z by the time you were 30. Like literally, I want you to stop and I want you to imagine and really reflect on where did you get that information. Is it actually your thought or was it someone else's? And if it is someone else's, you can kindly return to sender. You do not have to take on any thought that you do not want to be your truth or your reality. So why would you choose to believe that your career has a time limit?

And I'll just share for you, like of course, I understand that maybe when I'm in my fifties, it won't be as easy for me to be performing on Broadway. Right. And I'll also say that I know some badass performers that are in that age range that are still fucking killing it. Right. That have done lots of shows that are just getting started with their creative expression in choreographing and directing and also producing and expanding like what they are doing creatively. Like you get to actually just decide that there's no time limit on your career and that whatever is meant to happen will. And you can decide it will happen and move towards it with even more intention, and that can guarantee it will happen.

But we can't predict every single thing that's gonna happen and how it's gonna happen in our career. And when we're thinking that, that's when it sets up the expectation and these false timelines and narratives that we give ourselves and our careers that then perpetuate the story of being behind. What if you just decided that you are not behind? What if you just decided that every single career, role, breaking opportunity is going to present itself at the exact perfect moment? And we know that's true because that's when it will actually happen. That's when it will be aligned. That's when it will come to you in the perfect way. Whether it's unexpected or not. Either way, you'll know it's happening in perfect timing, whether you're receiving a lesson, a challenge, or getting that spark of inspiration for your next big thing, right?

This is going to be a constant evolution in your career. And I also know for me, like I imagine myself still engaging as a performer and acting and, I know that I have so much more in me to give that I'm certain that there's certain ideas that haven't even been born yet, right? That I'm going to discover or uncover through different choices and different pathways that lead me there. But that's the fun of it, getting to witness my own unfolding and journey and development. And knowing that my career gets to keep going for as long as I desire.

And that kind of brings me to the last thought that I wanted to share in this idea of being behind or having a time limit on our careers, is that I think oftentimes too, it does go back to this idea of like, well, I can only do this for so long. I can only live like this for so long. I can only, you know, keep living the hustle and living the lifestyle of a performer, of an actor, singer, or dancer for so long. And I wanna offer that, if that is your thought, I want you to keep engaging with my work, one. But what that tells me is that you are still living your life as a human separately from your life as a performer.

And when you are doing that, it is going to feel like you have to finish one in order to move on to the other. But what I wanna offer is that is so old paradigm, right? We don't have to be living from this space of like, first I'm a performer and then I live my life. Because then there will feel like this sense of a ticking time clock of like, okay, well clock strikes at midnight, and then I gotta move on and I gotta get back to reality and I gotta find another job that's more stable and I gotta do this and I gotta do that.

When we're giving ourselves those rules to follow, it is going to feel like I gotta get through this to get to the next part. But when you're building your life as a human and being an actor, singer, or dancer, being a performer, having creative ideas and being a creative is your life, you get to find ways to exist in that. So it can, you can have whatever you want, right? Like you can have whatever lifestyle you want. Even while you are pursuing your career in the arts. And when that is true, you won't feel the urgency to get it all done so you can move on to the next chapter, right? You'll just decide when this chapter is ending for you, when you're ready to move on, and you can trust that feeling, rather than feeling like you are missing out on your life while you are pursuing your career in the arts.

We no longer have to choose. It's not this or that. You get to have it all. And so let me just do a little baby recap and hit you with the main points to close out this episode. There is no freaking timeline for your career. And you are not behind, ever. But when you choose to engage with yourself and your career as if you are behind, you will only ever slow yourself down. Okay, and I want you to spend time thinking about, how is that true? Right? What energy does it produce for you when you're thinking you're behind, or that your career's not moving fast enough, or that you're not having any luck, right? I want you to imagine how that feels for you when you're comparing your timeline to someone else's, and then really consider what results are created from that.

Because even if the pressure, the urgency, the hurried upness about it feels productive, it feels useful, we know what it looks like to actually be closing off our energy. We know what it looks like to be the person that's unavailable for any kind of engagement with life when we're like rushing from point to point to point. And when nothing that we have right here, right now is not enough, right?

This is where you get to decide. Decide that your career is unfolding in perfect timing. Decide that there is no age limit for your career. Decide that you are getting more energized. And really, the cherry on top is like you get to be in this career for as long as you want. And when you make it an amazing place to be, when you make your career an experience that you enjoy, you won't be rushing to get through it so you can get to a different chapter of your life, so you can get to a different kind of life experience.

Right. And that's not to say that you can't decide you might be ready at some point to move on, but it's different than feeling like the time is ticking and running out. That only ever comes from your thoughts about your career and a self-imposed timeline or deadline, or you know, expiration dates for your career. That does not have to be your experience. It is totally optional.

You literally get to decide that where you are right here, right now is not an indicator of failure. And it literally gets to be a measurement of your success. You get to decide that where you are going is not dictated by your past, and regardless of whether or not you've hit a specific milestone yet, that has no fucking impact on what is about to come and shit's about to get really, really good. Okay? Cheers to loving your career. Every single part of it for the long haul. Because that's available to you if you want. All right. I'll meet you back here for another episode.

Hey! I wanna invite you to get started. Because if this is blowing your mind, imagine the impact of when we actually work together. There are two ways to work with me, privately one-on-one or inside of The Paradigm with high quality community. Either way, you're gonna go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book your free launch call. We're gonna spend 60 minutes together with you and your unique dream and vision to co-create a plan to get you there.

Let's freaking go.