Ep 27: Wanted vs. Unwanted

In this episode, we're gonna talk about the difference between Wanted and Unwanted, because where you put your focus really freaking matters. So we're gonna talk about the differences so that you can have awareness of how to utilize your energy more efficiently to create more of what you do want, more of the freaking time. You ready? Let's go.

Hello, you are listening to Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am the The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more, so keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello, and welcome back to episode 27 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. Now, you may or may not have noticed that last week I did not put out a podcast episode, and part of the reason was that when I went to record it, I accidentally did not realize that my microphone wasn't plugged in or turned on and connected.
So half of the episode recorded without sound, and then I was able to catch it and recorded some of it with the microphone on. And I had a choice of like, do I wanna publish this as is? Do I wanna rerecord it? And to be honest, as the day went on, it just didn't feel like a total fuck yes. So I gave myself permission to release the idea that I needed to put out a podcast every single week. Because I had made some unwritten contract with myself when I decided to start this.

And I wanted to share this for a few reasons because one, I do think there's a balance between honoring your commitments and you know, following through with ideas and plans and what have you. Right? And there's also a time to be willing to change your mind and investigate why you're doing it in the first place. And if I'm being completely honest, the idea of re-recording it or figuring it out and publishing it last week, it just didn't feel like a fuck yes. It felt more like it was like out of obligation because if I didn't put one out, it would mean something bad about me or my commitment or my business or my self-concept. Right.

And to me, I just didn't love those reasons enough to like make myself go into overdrive to do extra work. And again, like I've really done a lot of work to unbind myself from doing things out of obligation and guilt and shame and commitment from that space. Right. And so yeah, the growth for me was just like giving myself permission to say like, nothing is gonna go wrong if I don't put out a podcast. Like it's really gonna be okay, and, like, again, this is a resource that I love to give to the performing arts community. It's something that I do because I love it and I think it's fun and I think it's valuable and useful, and it's a way that I can give back. And there's like, no rule written in the sky that says I must do one every week. Right. That just like doesn't necessarily have to be true. And like I think sometimes we can use this idea of consistency against ourselves or again, make it mean something if we are inconsistent or don't do it exactly how other people are doing it.

And so, yeah, I just said, fuck that. And I was like, you know what? That would've been a bomb ass episode and I can go back and record it when I feel called to, so yeah. I thought it was important to share that because maybe there's places in your life where you're holding yourself to a standard, and if it doesn't pan out, you may make it mean something bad about you, and I just want you to know that that is freaking optional.

Okay, so let's jump into today's episode, and we're gonna be talking about Wanted versus Unwanted. And now you may have heard me talk about this in terms of The Law of Attraction. And it really is such a great tool and a very simple tool for reassessing and checking in with where are you putting your focus?

Are you focusing on what you want or what you don't want? And we're gonna talk about the nuances of this. Yeah, especially when we are leaning on The Law of Attraction and the idea that we get what we think about and we get more of what we focus on. Sometimes we are so focused on what we don't want, thinking that it's gonna create more of what we do want.

However, that is a simple thought error, and I'm gonna give you a few examples of this and you can just check in and see like, oh, okay. When I'm thinking about this specific area of of my life, have I been putting more attention and energy towards what I do want or towards what I don't want? Right. Wanted versus Unwanted.

Okay. So when we talk about Wanted, right, it's like the experience that you do wanna have. So it's like, yeah, thinking about. Booking the show and like walking in through the stage door and signing in on the call board, right? Or like checking in with the PA when you get to set. Like all of those things would be emphasis on the experience that you do want. Now I'm just giving a few examples, but you can check in for yourself and think about what feels juicy and fun for you. Right? I'm not prescribing a one size fits all goal right now. I'm just giving examples that feel relatable and tangible to performers. Okay, so like booking a show, that's the energy of Wanted, right?
Unwanted for that example would be like, Ugh, didn't get the audition. Right. Or you're thinking about how like the ECCs are just fucked these days and blah, blah, blah. Right? It's like, I want a show, but nothing's available. Right? Like I want you to just see in like the simplest terms, it's like Wanted, booked and blessed, Unwanted, nothing's available.

Okay, and this might seem really simple and really obvious, and it's just really interesting and fascinating how human brains will lean and look towards the things that we don't want versus what we do want. And again, I'm gonna give you a few different examples so this'll get clearer as we go on.

I want you to think about too, something that's been coming up a lot for my clients is money. And I love, love, love, love talking about money and coaching on money because truly money is energy, right? But when you're thinking about Wanted versus Unwanted on the subject of money, it's like. I want all these things. I'm focused on abundance and like cool experiences and you know, going to nice dinners. I don't know, I'm literally just using whatever's coming to mind, but it's like, thinking about that in the present tense and like how fun that is and like how much joy that adds to my life.

If I'm thinking about money and I'm looking at my bank account and I'm like, oh fuck, I need more money. I need more money. I need more money. I need more money. Like I'll be able to do all these fun things when I have more money. Really, do you see how that energy is on the unwanted, it's on the lack of money. It's on the absence of money, it's on the not enough of money. And so even though you feel like you're giving attention to the thing that you want, which is money, the thing energetically that's gonna make the difference is whether you're focusing on the subject of Wanted or Unwanted, right?

So again, am I looking at my money thinking I want more money, I want more money, I want more money. But really it's like I want more money because dot dot dot...I don't have. Or am I thinking about the feeling of wealth and the feeling of having it and the fun of being generous and you know, buying gifts for friends or whatever that looks like for you, right? It's like, oh, when I have the money, it feels this way.

Again, Wanted versus Unwanted. When you remember that you are genuinely the creator of your life and that you will keep amplifying and creating more of what you're focusing on, it's just important to know that there's always two sides to every subject. It's always Wanted or Unwanted.

And I feel like the example that I always give too is like this idea of like, if you're, you're getting ready and you're rushing and you're like wanting to be on time, but if all you keep thinking about and amplifying in your brain is like, I'm so late. I'm so late. I can't be late. I can't be late. Right. Again, that would be like on the subject of time, you're like focused on what you don't want versus what you do want, which is to arrive on time. Right. So it's like if you are amplifying the lateness, most likely that's when you run into more and more lateness versus when you're like really clicking in to like, what does it feel like to be on time? What does it feel like for this to work out for me and to like get everywhere I need to be with ease. That's the energy of Wanted. Right?

And so again, I think I might have already said this, but sometimes it can feel like we're being super productive when we're like thinking about something and really harping on trying to figure it out and solving for it, and just giving our undivided attention to the air quote problem. However, the, the best thing that we can do is really lean in to feeling and focusing and being the version of us that has the thing that we want, that is experiencing the Wanted versus the Unwanted, because truly it will change how you feel and it will also change the results that you get. Because we live in an energy-based world, and the frequency that we're on and the images that we hold in our head and where we're putting our focus literally on a quantum physics level, like that is what is being created, right?

And so the easiest way, honestly, to check in and see are you focused on Wanted or are you focused on Unwanted, is to just stop and observe how you're feeling. If you're thinking about your career and it feels bad, most likely, you are focused on the Unwanted versus the Wanted, right?

Because again, like the only reason we want things is because we think we're gonna feel good in the having of it, whether it's money, or freedom or peace, all of it, right? And it all just is available. But even in terms of like, okay, money, like am I focused on Wanted or Unwanted? Check in. Are you feeling stressed as fuck? Are you feeling excited and like at ease? Right? If you're thinking about auditions again, check in. Are you feeling excited? And hopeful? Are you focused on what's coming or are you focused on the absence? Does it feel like there's just like missed opportunities and like, are you feeling like everyone else is getting appointments except for you?
Right? So like this is where you can start being more observant with how you're feeling, which truly is like one of the most important tools that you have in consciously creating your life and career. How you feel deeply matters. The energy that you're in when you are thinking about your life and career matters. How you feel on a regular basis is the most important thing that you can tend to - your freaking energy. Okay. And so again, same thing if you're thinking about relationships and dating or you know, a specific friend, even if you are feeling like not good or, or heavy or down. Again, that's like your biggest clue that you're most likely focused on what is Unwanted versus Wanted.

So instead of replaying that conversation that maybe got a little tense or got a little heated or you know, you're thinking, am I a bad friend or am I a bad person because I said this thing? Again, that's just like so much energy on the Unwanted versus the Wanted could be like, you know, resolution or, you know, restoring trust and transparency and integrity to the relationship and like, that's gonna feel very different when you're focused on what you do want versus what you don't want.

Okay. I wanna leave you with that, but just start taking note. When I'm thinking about a specific subject or a topic, how does it feel? And right now, am I focusing on the Unwanted or the Wanted? And if you are focusing on the unwanted, it's not a problem, but you wanna start redirecting your brain to what's Wanted. That could be as simple as just checking in and being like, oh, wait, wait a second, I'm gonna, refocus on how much I love being a performer. I'm gonna focus on like the things that feel really good, and I'm just gonna keep redirecting my brain to focusing on what I do want and knowing that I get to have it and that it's coming versus like really harping on the absence of it or how long it's taking or like any of those feelings that then become impatient and again, just like highlight the fact that what you want is not here yet. Okay?

Staying in the energy of wanted is so much more potent and honestly, way more fucking fun. Okay, so that's what I got for you this week. I want you to tap into, are you focused on the Wanted or the Unwanted, and how can you take responsibility to keep redirecting your brain and finding ways to feel really good in the positive anticipation and expectation of all that you are desiring right here, right now.

Right. If you knew that you had everything you wanted, how would you allow yourself to feel? And like, what's the frequency and the energy and the vibration of that? That's where you wanna stay focused, and that's where you wanna give your brain access to going. Okay.

And like I said, our brains can be very sneaky and it can feel really productive and indulgent to look at all the shit that's not working and things that aren't happening the way we thought. And this is one of the ways that I help my clients. I help bring them back to and find ways to tap into the wanted and the. Energy of having what they do want. Okay? And when we work together for six months, every single week, we are bringing your brain back to what you want and changing your focus gradually over time.

This is a skill that you can learn and cultivate. And when you do, you just have access to more powerfully create what you want because of where you're intentionally putting your energy in focus. Okay, so I want you to go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book your launch call. Working with me as your freaking coach for six months will change how you relate to your entire career for the rest of your life. Because your brain will change. How you think, how you feel, how you relate to your career, and yourself, and every area of your life will shift when you do this work.

Okay, there's literally no better time to work with me, and there's no better time for you to take yourself and your career as freaking seriously as you want to. Now is the time. Okay. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch. Book your launch call, and let's freaking get started. All right. I will meet you back here for another episode.
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You can find me on Instagram at @kelliyoungmanwellness and if you're interested in coaching, make sure to head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/waitlist to join my list now. See you soon.