Love Your Life as a Performer

Ep 24: When Worst Case Becomes Best Case

January 04, 2023 Kelli Youngman
Love Your Life as a Performer
Ep 24: When Worst Case Becomes Best Case
Show Notes Transcript

It's a New Year and an even more Me. So, we are looking at how you remove the layers of shame, guilt, and judgment to live your best freaking life. And I'm gonna show you how something that seems like it might be the Worst Case scenario, can actually turn out to be the Best. You ready? Let's go.

For a full transcript, go to podcast.kelliyoungmanwellness.com.

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It's a New Year and an even more Me. So, we are looking at how you remove the layers of shame, guilt, and judgment to live your best freaking life. And I'm gonna show you how something that seems like it might be the worst case scenario, can actually turn out to be the best. You ready? Let's go.

Hello, you are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more so keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello, and welcome back to episode 24 of the Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. Happy freaking New Year! Can you believe? 2023. I'm excited to be here. Okay. I keep discovering so much about myself and about coaching and about how coaching has impacted my freaking life, and I can tell you the logistics over and over and over again, but I really think it comes to life when I share stories about how it is affecting me and how it's impacting my own life experience.

And a while back, I remember my coach telling me about, you know, removing the labels of good, bad, right, and wrong, and really looking at the fact that we can't always know if something is good or bad or you know, a positive thing or a negative thing until things keep unfolding. And that sometimes even the worst case scenario, what seems like a worst case scenario, just ends up being like the biggest freaking blessing in the world.

And so, moving into 2023, I really told myself I am leaning into loving all freaking parts of me, and I don't always choose a word of the year, but this year I decided my word is Connection. So in honoring that intention, I really am leaning into connecting with the world and everyone around me in the most freaking authentic way as possible. And so I'm gonna be sharing the honest freaking truth and my reality as a human and the lessons that I'm learning. Because genuinely, like that is the benefit of having coaching tools is leaning into loving who the fuck you are right here, right now.

And I have to be honest, when I became a life coach, I think there was this period of time in the beginning, where I thought that in order to be a coach, I was supposed to be like this perfect human. Like, I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, if I am a life coach, now I have to live with X, Y, and Z, and I have to always be super productive and super full of integrity and like I almost went to like this extreme of trying to be like a perfect robot, in order to be a coach. And then I was like, oh, wait, wait a second.

I can still be a hundred percent human and be an amazing coach by how I show up. Using my coaching skills to serve my clients and to be present with them and to help them just see what their mind is showing them, over and over and over again. That has nothing to do with perfection or with being some kind of, I don't know, holy, virtuous, perfect, happy all the time, state of being, right? Like truly, that's just like a robot that is not real. Okay? And so if I have ever given you the illusion that I don't have human emotions or that I don't have, you know, things that might appear quote unquote messy at times, like, that just is not the case.

So from here and from right now, I'm leaning into just being myself across the board without pretense, period. The end. And so this story is going to start on New Year's Eve when Steve and I... Well, Steve was working, but I met up with some friends, stopped at their party, and then I went to meet Steve who was working near Times Square. And you know, this is one of the most beautiful things about coaching is that truly I don't consider anything that I do good, bad, right or wrong. I don't hold judgements against, against myself. I don't, you know, use things against me to hurt my own feelings or to give myself shame and guilt and labels that I would've done in the past.

Okay. And so long story short, I go to meet Steve at his job and you know what? I'm having a bougie New Year's, and I'm taking tequila shots and I'm drinking negronis and just really leaning into just having so much fun and celebration. And the people in my life know that, I don't party all of the time. But I do freaking like to party. And when it's a celebration, I'm gonna turn up and yes, I'm gonna take shots, I'm gonna drink, and I'm gonna take care of myself in support of having a good time. So of course I'm gonna hydrate, I'm gonna do all the things.

Okay, and let me be very clear, I am not telling you that you have to do these things. I am simply giving you the whole truth of who I am to demonstrate the relationship that I've created with myself. Okay? So, If you wanna judge me for drinking, I'm actually totally okay with that. Those are your thoughts and you're totally allowed to have them. And again, like that's just not the point of the story.

So let me just add a little side note while we are here, too. Okay. I don't need help. I'm good. I love myself. I got me. I am a small human and I also know that overdrinking can lead to these results in my human life. Okay. And so the point of it being, I knew I was gonna have a good time. I knew I was going to celebrate and lean in and just like have so much fun with Steve as he's wrapping up work and then getting to go out on 42nd Street, like literally out on 42nd Street and Broadway, getting to look up at the freaking ball in Times Square and watch it drop and all the fireworks going off, like literally right there.

But so in hindsight, was I mixing a couple different types of alcohol? Yes. Tequila, negronis, some champagne. We were just having a bougie night. And in full disclosure, the night was so much freaking fun. It ended with Steve and I falling asleep on the train, going too far, having to turn back, go back home, like not being able to get a cab anywhere. It was a night for the books and, it also included ...yep. I'm going there... it also included me vomiting all over my suede boots.

And in the past I would've been like, oh my God, Kelli, you're such a mess. Oh my God. You're like so irresponsible. And to me, I have zero thoughts about this. Okay. I'm just gonna be really clear. I have zero thoughts about me throwing up, about it meaning anything other than the fact that I simply threw up. I'm not making it mean I'm unprofessional. I'm irresponsible, that I have a problem. Like it literally was just a neutral circumstance that happened to me.

And so the point of this story is that I woke up and I was like, OMGG my boots are destroyed. And I was like getting ready to throw out the boots. And as I was like tidying up, I realized, okay, maybe I can clean these. And I don't know why this thought was like, it just kept popping back in my mind. You can clean them. And again, like they were like literally by the door ready to be discarded. And I just kept having this urge to clean them. And I was like, what in the world is happening?

Because to be honest, I've had these boots for a while and I don't know. Yeah. I like to make very intentional purchases. I try to buy nice things so that it lasts me a long time. And even with these boots, I've had them for maybe four years, and I was like, okay, I've gotten a good amount of wear out of them. It's okay to let them go. Right. And so, the wildest freaking thing, again, I kept having this urge to clean them, and I remember like Googling it and I was like, oh, okay.

And dot, dot, dot... side note, this is also part of my self-concept that has grown so much, is that I'm the girl who can figure anything out. I'm resourceful. I can do things like I don't feel challenged to learn something new or different. Except maybe for cooking, which is something I'm leaning into in 2023 to expand my self concept about. So anyways, I'm like looking it up and I'm like, okay, I like can do this. It's like water, soap, some vinegar, or rubbing alcohol. And I'm like, okay, I have these things and a toothbrush. I'm like, great.

Okay. Let me tell you that I swear to God, I had no intention of doing this and yet, As I'm looking it up, it's just feeling easier and more attainable and more doable. And so then I'm just like, all right, now's the time. I'm gonna freaking clean these boots and I start cleaning them. And you guys, they look fucking fantastic. One, I've never once tried to clean these boots in all four years of owning them. I did not know that suede boots could be cleaned in this way and look so freaking good. They look like a million freaking bucks. And I was about to throw them out.

And I'm just like flabbergasted because again, my coach. She told me a story about how her back was hurting her one time and she was like playing with her daughter and they were going, I don't remember if it was rollerblading or skateboarding or something. And you know, it didn't make sense that she would have this urge to do this thing, especially when her back was already hurting her. But she did that and then she ended up falling, but her back like just freaking clicked into place from her doing this thing that made zero sense and then having the best freaking outcome ever. And then she felt amazing.

Like to me, this experience was my version of living that truth. That's something that seems like the worst freaking case possible. Like, I'm sorry, it was so not glamorous or cute to be like throwing up outside and getting literal vomit on my boots. Okay. Not cute. Not freaking fun. Not ideal. But seeing my boots now... like literally, they look freaking amazing and they look brand freaking new. They have never looked this good. Just from me deciding and thinking like maybe I could clean them, and then having the self-concept that I'm freaking resourceful and whatever I decide is what I get to experience. Like what in the world?

And so I also remember hearing like an Abraham Hicks story, the same sort of scenario of like, oh, like thinking something is good and then you know, something else happens and then there's another twist, and then that story, it's like, oh, that's too bad.

And then something good comes at him and then they're like, oh, that's amazing. But then something bad happens. And she was telling this story of like a game that she would play with her grandkids of like just showing our brains over and over and over again that we never know if something is good, bad, right, or wrong in the moment, and we can lean into trusting that everything is always working out for us, in perfect freaking timing with so much love. And when we are not adding on what I call The Second Layer of shame and judgment and I don't know, like so much extra feelings about ourselves and making ourselves horrible and beating ourselves up, like there's just so much more freedom.

Okay. And yeah, I drank my Vitamin Water, got some electrolytes the next day, like felt totally fine as I recovered and gave myself space to love on myself. And just honestly, like Steve and I laughed and rested and watched movies and he ordered us sushi and we just had like the most amazing, perfect night in. Oh, actually, and I forgot we went to brunch at the Smith! I freaking love The Smith. We had brunch. It was amazing. Like we literally had the best day ever, even after this night.

And so, in the past, again, I think there would've been space where I was holding on to messing up or being messy or giving myself, again, just all this extra bullshit that, you know, would make me feel like somehow I was a less than person or a bad person because of this experience.

But truly all I made it mean was that I had a fun time, that I was resourceful and, honestly, it was such a, it's like such a great lived in experience and I'm so grateful for the night that Steve and I had, for the day that we had, the memories that we made. And yes, even Steve making fun of me  and like just me dying laughing at his impression of me throwing up. It's just, this might be a little vulgar... but like truly, just so freaking hysterical in our world.

You can let any experience you have just be so lighthearted again when you're not making it mean anything bad about you and when you're not just putting yourself through so much extra weightedness to an experience that gets to just be neutral and you get to make it mean whatever you want. Um, but yeah, that's, that was how my New Year's freaking started, and now I have the most amazing, gorgeous boots in the entire freaking world.

So all of that to say coaching is a space for you to live your life fully. However that looks in the moment. You get to trust yourself. You get to love yourself. And you get to respect the fuck out of yourself, even when things go a little haywire. And even when things get a little air, quote messy, and even when life isn't showing up in the way you kind of expected or hoped.

Because even in those moments, beautiful shit can come out of it, and you're always uncovering the next layer of just living in your full self without judgment, without comparison, without any shame. Like it honestly is such a magical land and a different kind of experience when you can hone in on who you're being and just love yourself no matter what. It makes you so unstoppable and free and light and it's just a different way of living, and it's available to you a hundred percent of the time.

You get to live your life as much as you want in, whatever way resonates for. There is no one right way to exist on this planet. There are no rules, and you get to just be free in your experience to honor whatever is calling you right here, right now. Okay?

And this is the work we do in coaching. We untangle this, so that you start seeing that your self worth is never based on your actions, your choices, your accomplishments. Your self-worth as a human is inherent. Your love and worthiness as a human just exists. It's a non-negosh. And when you start freeing yourself up to have any experience you want to have, in any way that you wanna have it, you will truly be so judgment free for yourself, and in turn you are gonna have so much less judgment towards others.

It really is a different kind of life experience. Free from obligation, pretension, and any kind of layer or filter where you don't show up as you, authentically you in any given moment, your life can be so freaking free, and I'm going to keep inviting you to get started. So go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book a call now.

One hour with me will uncover what you are wanting to create in your life, whether that's moving towards new goals, releasing the judgment, stopping doing shit that you don't wanna do out of obligation or out of service of others, right? Like all of this gets to be shed. And what's on the other side is a different kind of life, a different kind of relationship with yourself, a different kind of relationship with your partners, your family, your career, literally, all of it.

It feels so much freaking better, and I promise. No matter where you are starting, no matter what you want to create, coaching is the space for you to do it. And all you have to do is come to a launch call and we can uncover what you want to create and the best way for you to freaking get there. Not by me telling you exactly how you need to live, but by me giving you the tools to access your most free, abundant, and fully fucking lived life. One Call will change everything that you think is possible for you. I 100% guarantee it.

Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to book your launch call today. It's an hour where you get to meet you and your own brain, and it's completely free. With that, I cannot wait to share a whole freaking 'nother year with you on this podcast so that we all can keep leaning into loving our life in the freaking arts, both on and off the stage. I'll meet you back here for another episode.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and if you did, make sure to share it with a friend who is also an actor, singer, or dancer. You can also help spread the word by leaving us review wherever you listen to podcasts in order to help people find this resource. Lastly, you can find me on Instagram @kelliyoungmanwellness, and if you're interested in coaching, make sure to head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/waitlist to join my list now. See you soon.