Ep 19: Thoughts Without Labels

In this episode, we're investigating the labels that we give our own thoughts. What happens when we remove the labels and intentionally choose how we wanna relate to our thoughts and what we make them mean? You ready? Let's go.

Hello, you are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode 19 of the Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. Today we're gonna be talking about thoughts. Okay. And the label and the relationship that we create to our thoughts. And this podcast was kind of birthed out of a client call that I had last week, and I was thinking about it deeply and realized that if my client is thinking this, many people are probably thinking it too.

So here's the thing. We have thoughts. And I find that when we give labels to thoughts like subconscious or intrusive, sometimes it creates the relationship where we feel like they are out of our control. Okay. And here's the thing, I know that in the past clients have said that the idea of them being intrusive thoughts is useful, giving it that label.

But to me, when I hear the word intrusive, and again, you get to investigate this for you, but to me the word intrusive feels like a burden. It feels inconvenient. It feels like aggressive. It's like, feels like the burglar sneaking into your house and is like intruder alert. Like this thought isn't supposed to be here. This thought is a problem. This thought is out of place, not wanted, not welcome, like again, like just creates this dynamic where it's very... intrusive. And what I wanna offer is, again, you get to check in always and see what serves you or not.

And what I find is that when they feel intrusive, there's also like this defense that then has to happen of like, I have to protect myself from this thought. I have to like come up with a plan of action to keep them out. Right? And here's the thing. Thoughts are thoughts. They are gonna come and they're gonna go. And when we create, Instead of like a, oh my gosh, this is happening to me, I have to brace.

Instead, we can just say like, oh, okay. That's interesting. Right? It's like instead of it being like an intruder, like the thought then is just like maybe a guest that isn't your favorite. It's like maybe you have, I don't know why I'm using this example, but maybe you have an aunt or an uncle that, you don't not like them, but they aren't your favorite. Or maybe you don't like them , but like they're not the person you would be like, oh, yay, I'm so glad you're here. Right. It's more of like a, oh, okay, ready to go. I like for you to leave now.

And again, like it's not good, bad, right or wrong, and we don't have to get too meta because it's like, okay. Yeah. The feelings you're having by your aunt or uncle, probably your thoughts too.

And again, you don't have to change those, but it's like, Do you see how different that feels when it's like, these thoughts are not a problem, right? These thoughts are not a problem, and I'm creating a relationship to them where they're not a problem. Okay, so let that sink in.

But it kind of ties into the same idea with subconscious thoughts, because again, I'm not gonna deny that we have subconscious thoughts. Of course, we all do. It's like the operating system to how we're moving through our lives. And I want you to think about how it feels when you're telling yourself, like, I have subconscious thoughts that I have to find. Or I have subconscious thoughts that are wreaking havoc on my life. I have subconscious thoughts that are driving the car and I'm completely unaware of them. Right.

Versus when it's like, okay. I have subconscious thoughts and right now they're like driving down this highway. I can see where the destination's gonna be. I can kind of have an idea of what direction we're going with these thoughts, and it's not quite where I thought we were heading. Right. Right now we're driving a main. Oh my gosh... I have to be honest with you guys, geography is not my strong suit, so I'm like, where? Which way is Maine?

But it's like as like as if you were like, okay, brain, I can see that you're driving me to Maine and I don't actually wanna go that way. I'm actually trying to get to Florida... like again, totally random states that I just pulled outta my brain. But it's like you can see the direction you're heading. And it's not a mystery, right? It's not like you have no freaking clue where you are and like you're lost at sea. Like maybe you might be like, oh gosh, I don't know what state I'm in, right? You fall asleep in the car and you wake up and you're like, oh God, where are we? Not when you're driving as a passenger, right? You're like, where are. How far have we gone? What state are we in?

Like I feel like that could be realistic for subconscious thoughts. If they're driving the the car and you're like, oh wait, no, hey, I didn't wanna go that way. I actually wanna go that other way instead. But it's not a mystery because you can look around. There's signs. You can see the roads, the interstate. The towns that are around you, right, like there's signage and I just want you to consider what changes when your subconscious thoughts aren't like holding you hostage and like taking you on a car ride where you're blindfolded.

These, these like analogies are getting very dark, but I want you to think about how different it feels when it's not an intruder, when you're not being held hostage, when you're not like being held against your will, and you just get to make a different choice, right? You get to say like, oh wait, hey, car driver, I forgot to mention like, that's actually not where I wanna go. I wanna go over here instead. And they can totally be like, oh, okay. Might be some resistance. They might say, well, I thought over here is better. And you're like, no, it's totally fine. This is actually where I wanna go. I'm certain, let's take the next exit. Let's turn around. Let's go that direction instead. Right?

Like, your thoughts are not the enemy. And I think sometimes we create this perception that they're holding us back, that they're preventing us from getting where we wanna go, and that like they're messing everything up. And again, like that, it's just completely out of our control.

I think when we have the thought about our thoughts that they are hidden deep inside of us and that we have to solve for them, we gotta find them again, there's like so much unnecessary air quote, solving energy that goes into creating the solution that could be used for finding and just again, changing directions rather than creating a whole... I was gonna use a sports analogy, but I don't know sports. I think it's offense, defense... when you're like protecting the goal, you're like, don't get in here. You can't come in. Versus like, yeah, they're gonna show up sometimes. Yeah, they're gonna try to drive the car sometimes, and you still are the one who has the consciousness and the awareness to make a different choice, right?

Like your brain, your thoughts are not happening to you. It's like programming that you can update. It's software that you can change, and that really is the work that happens in coaching, right? It's like the thoughts come to the surface and you just get to witness them and honestly be freaking grateful that they are there, that you, you are letting them come to the surface, right?

But it's such a different energy when you're like, okay, I'm like, here, this is happening. I'm witnessing it, and this thing is gonna come to my awareness in perfect timing for me to make it, you know, for me to be aware of it, for me to have a shift versus like, I gotta go find this thing. Or even like honestly, too, like here's another analogy, right... it's like your subconscious thoughts are just in your closet and when you open the closet you can see them, but they're not like, I don't know, like hidden in some back alley of your closet that doesn't exist on a hanger where you're not sure where you can find it, right? It's like, it's not like a messy closet. That...

This happens on my calls all the time when I'm telling clients all these stories and I love them because they come with me. Okay. But it's like, it's not like a messy closet where everything is like racks and racks and racks and you have to find it, right? It's just like, oh yeah, the thoughts are there. I can see it. I can pull it out, I can try it on, could see it doesn't fit anymore, and I can just like, Take the time to change it or to replace it with a new thing, right? But I just think that you can create a relationship to your subconscious thoughts, your air quote, intrusive thoughts again, that gives you the opportunity to not resist them, to not make them a problem and to not feel like they're out of your control and your life is out of your control.

Again, I think it comes back to knowing that, yeah, of course there's gonna be times when like we are running on air quote autopilot. Our subconscious thoughts are doing what they're designed to do, right? Like our human brain is designed to take the path of least resistance with the least effort and the least thinking, presence... like that's what it's designed to do, to do the easy, repetitive thing. And that's why it does take effort to change your thoughts and change your beliefs and to create new habits, right?

Because our brain is gonna keep wanting to do what it's always. And that doesn't mean it's a problem when you end up somewhere that you weren't planning, right? It doesn't mean that it's a problem when you're getting results or you're in an energy or you are creating things that are unwanted, right? I think it goes back to the value of being where you don't wanna be.

And I want you to think about this, right? When you're not where you wanna be, it only creates a stronger desire for where you wanna be, right? It only gives you more clarity of like, this isn't quite where I thought I was gonna end up, right? But in order to actually get where you wanna go, then you just have to make the active decision. You have to decide to like again, tell the driver where you wanna go or to like get behind the wheel and to really take the next right. Make a U-ey. Go the other way. Right. But it doesn't have to be something that's like, there's no turning back. There's no solution. It just is what it is. Right. And so and so, yeah. I wanna invite you to investigate, how have you been relating to your thoughts?

Are you treating them like invaders? Are you treating them like they're holding you hostage? Are you treating them like they are just stuck with you? Like this dirty bag of laundry that you're carrying with you throughout your whole life that you have to unpack? Right, like a, a suitcase of dirty laundry that is just like coming with you everywhere you go that you have to unpack and clean and sort, or are you thinking of it as like an item in your closet that you can just swap out that, oh yeah, here's something that I didn't realize I still had. And like, you know what? I think it's time to donate that one and I'll get something new. Right.

Are you thinking about them as, you know, guests that are welcome that just might not be your favorite, right? And like over time, maybe you stop inviting them to the party, but it doesn't have to be like, what the fuck? Why did you show up to this party? I want you outta my house. You gotta go, right? It doesn't have to be a confrontation, a confrontational, like on the, I really don't know if it's it's offense or defense... on the like, get out. I've gotta like create this boundary. Go away, thoughts. You're not welcome.

And like, thank you for ruining my life again. I'm being like extremely d dramatic to emphasize and highlight this. I don't think anyone is like literally sitting around thinking this, right? And like, I think there's flavors of this and levels of this that can be true for all of us at times. Okay? So just investigate and, and think about, okay, how am I relating to my thoughts?

Am I giving them labels and judgment? Am I making them a problem? Am I thinking I need to go solve and unpack them before I can move forward? Or am I just seeing that they're here, witnessing them, using them as valuable information, and then making a different choice? I think the second one, the latter, feels a lot easier.

Right? When it's like, oh, my thoughts are on my side. I can use these to my advantage. They're giving me valuable feedback about where I am and where I wanna be, and I can work with them instead of resisting them. All right. I will meet you back here for another episode, and I'm gonna remind you again to submit your application for The Paradigm.

It's a six month coaching container that begins in January, and you're gonna get access to one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and community. So you're gonna be in real time discovering these air quote, subconscious thoughts, intrusive thoughts and giving yourself a space to sort through them, right? To actually learn the process of acknowledging them and creating the relationship with them where they are useful, that they get to be to your advantage, right?

Like these things that I talk about on the podcast are simple and they still take reps, they take practice. And it's something that is created over time by changing your brain and the habits and literally the neural pathways of what your brain is used to doing. So if you know that these thoughts have been lingering and you're not relating to them in the best way, Join us inside of The Paradigm.

This is literally going to change how you relate to yourself, your thoughts, and your career for the rest of your life. Okay? They are not a problem and there is a solution. Okay, go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/the-paradigm to submit your application today. Just keep in mind that applications are closing on December 15th, and there are only 10 spots available and I'm gonna be filling them and accepting and reviewing applications as they roll in.

So if you know you wanna join us, get it in as soon as possible. Also so that you can just move through the holidays knowing you're setting yourself up for success in the New Year. There's never been a better time to get started. All right. I will meet you back here for another episode.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and if you did, make sure to share it with a friend who is also an actor, singer, or dancer. You can also help spread the word by leaving us a review wherever you listen to podcasts, in order to help people find this resource.

You can find me on Instagram @kelliyoungmanwellness, and if you're interested in coaching, make sure to head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to join my list now. See you soon.