Ep 17: Investing $100k in My Own Brain

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain and I am talking honestly about what it's looked like for me to invest $100,000 dollars in my own brain. You heard that correctly. I've invested over $100,000 in my own brain and no, I did not have this money sitting around before I started. You ready? Let's go.

Hello, you are listening to The Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am the life coach for performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more so keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode 17 of The Love Your Life as a Performer Podcast. On today's episode, we're gonna be talking about my journey with personal development. Okay? I'm gonna be sharing the real, raw freaking truth. Before we do that, I do wanna let you know that applications are open for THE PARADIGM.

And if you haven't been keeping up, let me fill you in. THE PARADIGM is a six month coaching container for freaking professionals who want to have it all. Right? They wanna have the career, the personal life, the freaking six- figure lifestyle that you dream of. It's for performers who wanna take their lives to the next level.

Right, and we're not doing it through hustle. We're doing it through alignment and ease. And if you're like, what is that even freaking possible? I'm here to tell you that it is. And inside of THE PARADIGM, I'm gonna be walking 10 performers through this process. Through gaining the thought work, the vision, the belief, the money, mindset, all of it.

We're gonna be doing all of the freaking work, in six freaking months. And I've said this time and time again, but six months of coaching will change how you experience the rest of your freaking life, okay? And inside of THE PARADIGM, it is the best container for you to get everything you need.

There's gonna be coaching, community and creation, all swirling around to create and birth momentum that is sustainable, so that you can tap into it for the rest of your career. It is a combination of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a private Facebook community for this round. And of course, as always, I have the right to change this in the future, but for right now, this is what it. And it's going to be the fastest way to get you results. I was actually talking to a client about this because the beauty of group coaching is that you can see what other people are experiencing and what they're struggling with from a vantage point where you are not the one in the drama, right? It's so useful to get coached in any state of being, but like again, when you are not the one in the actual air quote problem, you have more mental space and capacity to witness, investigate, and like really explore what things are creating without being in the pressure of getting the coaching. And so I think a lot of times it just makes you aware of things that you didn't even know you were experiencing before it comes to the surface and you can address it, right? So that's why I'm adding group coaching into my container. I just really, truly think it's so freaking effective to start normalizing the kinds of thoughts and struggles and problems that all performers are experiencing. You're not in a vacuum struggling by yourself, going through challenges that other performers aren't having, right?

Like there's nothing wrong with you, like you're totally normal, and you have a human brain. And I really think that having the community element to this container is just going to supercharge everyone's results. Like I've seen it in my own coaching and in my own experience, and I'm bringing it to my clients. So if you wanna get in on the magic, you want to be in this round of THE PARADIGM, because the next one is not gonna start until July 2023, and that's a long freaking time to wait. You can be stepping into your transformation, into your own results within one freaking call. That's how much can shift quickly. Okay, so if you haven't read all the details or applied yet, go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/the-paradigm. P A R A D I G M. To learn more and apply. Now again, there's only 10 spots, and what I know with a hundred percent certainty is that the most perfect people are coming along for this journey. And you know, deep down in your soul, if one of these spots is for you, okay? Follow your intuition. All right.

What I wanna talk about on this episode is Freaking truth. Okay. I wanna share my journey with personal development and coaching and the transformations that I have been experiencing. And I've sort of alluded to this in the past, but I wanna just come out freaking clean and honest and full of truth, owning my shit. Okay. So here it goes. In the past two, two and a half years, I have invested $100,000 in my own personal growth, in my own commitment to becoming the best freaking coach I can be, to mastering the art of coaching, and to literally getting my brain coached on the freaking regular.

Okay, $100,000. And I was telling this to my coach earlier today, and I think sometimes my brain wants to gloss over this for a few reasons. I think there's part of my brain that still wants to offer that this is absurd. Who in the world invests a hundred thousand dollars in their own brain? Right in non-tangible air quote, non-tangible, intangible results.

And like, how in the world have I done this, right? Like I think there's part of my brain that wants to be afraid of what other people might think about this choice, this investment. I guess I just wanna own that I freaking love my decision to do this. Okay. And here's the thing. When I invested in my very first coach, I had been doing the work, right? Like I had been reading all of the things. I had read, You are a Badass. I had manifested my Broadway debut. I was already like a queen of manifestation. I had watched The Secret. I was listening to all of the Abraham Hicks. I was doing the work, right. I was already seeing results in my life. And there were places in my life that I was still sort of struggling to like fully get on board and see new possibilities, right?

Like I, I got almost as far as I could get on my own and then I was still bumping up against the same problems. So things would be going really well. I'd be in the flow, I'd be in amazing energy, and then I'd kind of hit a wall, right? And like, now I know that this is my upper limit and this is just like where I'm used to getting results to a certain point. I think I've mentioned the idea of upper limits on one of the previous podcasts, but just like that was the level of results and like my highest capacity of receiving and allowing. So things would get really good, and again, I'd like hit a fucking wall. And things would get really hard, and then I'd kind of get stuck and then I'd kind of like revamp again.

Right. I was still coming back to the tools and the knowledge that I had, and there was only a so far that I could get in my own work and in my own emotional management. And honestly, what led me to working with a coach was that I saw my friend Lindsay was freaking killing it, and I was just like, you know, What is she doing? And I remember scheduling a call with her during the pandemic to kind of catch up and she was like, Yeah, I'm working with a coach. I was like, Ooh, a coach. I want a coach. Like if that's what you get when you work with a coach, I want it. Like she was freaking killing it. Things were coming so easily. It just was like, she was so in flow.

Okay. So I was just acknowledging that I wanted that, too.  And it just so happened that our coach offered her some free calls and I was like, Yes, I would love one. So I went to this free call and I had no idea what I was gonna be getting myself into, but what happened on that first call was transformational. Right. It was the first time I had experienced someone else holding belief in what I wanted to create, before I ever created it. Let me say that again. It was the first time I experienced someone holding belief in the thing that I wanted to create, before I created it. Right?

And here's the thing. Like I've done lots of therapy in the past, and to be completely honest, it wasn't for me. I learned a lot and I always ended up back in the same place, back in the same place of reliving my freaking past traumas, my adoption, my sexual trauma, the death of my brother. It was just, hit after hit after hit of like all of the things I associate with me and my past, right? And it was constantly trying to create from owning that and stepping into it and accepting it. And I never had someone tell me that I could create from the future.

Right, Like create from possibility rather than probability. Or based on unlimited things and possibilities rather than, you know, dictated by what I had experienced in my past. Like everything was still like carrying along all of these labels and the judgments that other people were putting on me because of my experiences, right?

So it's so fun because, what happened on that call changed me forever and like I know that is the case for people who also come to launch calls now. They're like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. I never had someone ask me these questions from this vantage point. It's just totally different, right? Coaching and therapy, they both have their place. Both are valuable and both are useful for different scenarios. And if you are like whole and functioning and things are working, I really do think that coaching can be such a beautiful place to take your brain, right?

It's such a different kind of space and energy. So anyways, when I hired my first coach during the pandemic, her rate was $10k for six months. And I remember thinking, Holy shit, that is a lot of money. And I was like, I literally don't even know where I would get that money. Right? And it was honestly my first lesson in resourcefulness and taking my brain to the space of like, Wait, but I really want this. And I can see how it's gonna bridge the gap for me. I can see how it's gonna take me from point A to point B much quicker and much. Simpler, simply, What am I trying to say? I could see how it was gonna be so much easier for me to do everything that I wanted to accomplish with support and belief, and with dedicated time on my calendar to reconnect to what I'm creating. To have it be my priority to expand what I think is possible for me.

So I'm gonna be completely transparent to hire my first coach. I went and withdrew money from my 401k, and at the time it was like, Oh my gosh, this money right? Like I had never questioned the thought that this money could be more useful to me now investing in myself, than sitting in this account collecting interest. And if some of you are already like horrified at this idea and like, Oh my God, I could never- just consider how that could be true. And again, I'm not saying you have to do this. I'm just here to share what I freaking experienced in case it inspires you to see things differently.

Because again, I do not come from like riches of money. Like I grew up, I guess you could say, upper middle class. Like I had everything I needed and I, you know, got to train and I was very privileged in many ways, but I would not say that my family identified as rich or like super wealthy. Like I really didn't come from that realm. Like I took a lot of student loans out to go to college, right? Again, that was like kind of at the time when my brother was ill and my family was like, you know, paying for his chemo and all the things. So my student loans were like really freaking a lot. And I had a lot of debt and I still have debt, right?

But I took my brain to the space of like, what if this is the most valuable thing I could spend my money on? Learning how to navigate my emotional health in a way that serves me and expands what's possible for me for generations to come. Okay.  That was my first $10k of investing in coaching. It changed my life, like a hundred percent. It changed my whole freaking life. And I say this with so much certainty and honesty and integrity because I know it's what creates the same results for my client.

Right. And like, not all of my clients are coaches. I wanna emphasize that. So anybody who has the thought of like, Oh, a coach has a coach, has a coach, Yes. Coaches who are taking on the responsibility of navigating other people's brains, I do think should have their own coaches. Right? It's just so important to be doing the work, if you're gonna be facilitating the work for other. Okay, so let me just debunk that whole myth. Coaches have coaches. Yes, and they should, if they are taking their own work responsibly and their own work seriously, to then facilitate, you know, mental growth and work for other people. It's really important to go first and to do the work.

And that's what I've freaking done for the entire journey of my business thus far. I've had coaches, multiple coaches, one-on-one, coaches, business coaches, group coaches, like coaches. I have seen every single part of my brain and I'm not afraid of it, right? And so what I wanna offer is that the transformation that I got from coaching, and continue to get from coaching, is literally trusting myself so freaking much. Because yeah, that choice to withdraw money from my 401k required trust, right? It required my own authority and my own belief in myself, in order to do that. Because I'm not gonna lie, it felt scary. It felt a little unknown, right? It was just like, ugh. I'm just gonna trust that I'm gonna get the results that I came for because it's in my hands, right? And like, I literally started learning how to be responsible with my own investments and to always get my money's worth from anything, Literally anything, right?

Like I always am in control of the experience that I wanna have. This is like a process that I've learned and that I teach my clients. You can get what you came for, All of the time. But it, it was scary and it did require me to take a leap when it was very scary and like air quote, irresponsible to spend my money on something like this when I had never really invested in this way. Right? Like, I had gone to therapy and like most of the time that was on my insurance. So I didn't have really like a copay or anything. It was covered. So I didn't feel the buy-in in the same way that I was feeling it, when it was like $10,000 on the line. Right?

And honestly, that first round of coaching was rough for me. Because I was also paying at the time, like monthly, and I was having drama every single month when I had to pay it. Oh my gosh. Just learned so much about myself and my relationship with money and my relationship to trusting that money is coming. I learned so freaking much. And so since then, I continued with that coach for a few containers. I ended up investing in a business coach, investing in my mastermind that I have done now two rounds, that was $25k for six months.

And I've also hired another one on one coach that is in the multiple, 10 thousands. I don't even know how you would honestly say that. But, so my coaches that I work with are freaking high quality, high caliber, because I do that level of work for myself, and I do that level of work with my clients. That's why my clients get the best results because I model going all in with my own work, and they understand what it looks like to hold that responsibility and get what they came for, right? Like I teach them that and then they also show up in their own lives in that way.

So this is what it goes back to again with like if you have a coach, you wanna make sure your coach is doing their own work and their own growth, right? Like they have to be doing the work too. And I also know that like everything I go through only helps my clients even more. Like I think I might have talked about this on the podcast, I can't remember. I know I definitely shared it on my Instagram, but during the pandemic, there was a moment where I had a cancer scare.

And I literally was in the middle of launching The Performers Plan, a program that I had in the past that's now closed. But I was going through that, while like having biopsies and literally my doctors thought I had lymphoma. It was really fucking scary. But it was so wild, because of the amount of calm that I was experiencing in that circumstance, right? Like I was so calm. Like I think the people around me were a little alarmed. And again, there was moments where I was really freaking scared and like, you know, questioning whether I was gonna be living. And like questioning if I was gonna be able to fulfill my commitments to my clients. Like that's literally what was going through my brain and like having a coach to navigate those things was so useful, right?

Like I just learned so much about myself and how to support myself, how to have my own back, how to take care of myself. Like that was at a time where Steve, you know, wasn't allowed to really come to the hospital. He was honestly still working and was like, you know, cooking meals for, uh, what's it called for first responders and like all of these things. There were a lot of appointments that I had to go to by myself and I just had to learn how to be with my emotions, how to hold space for my emotions, and not make them wrong. And how to give myself another choice, right? I really mastered relating to anything and everything in my life with calm and with deciding how I wanted to feel, rather than letting the circumstance dictate how I should feel, right? Like, I'm gonna say that again. I let myself learn how to choose how I wanna feel and how I wanna show up, rather than letting the circumstances inform how I should be feeling.

I really learned how to identify and collect the tools that serve me the most. Right? Like when to know if this specific tool is serving me or not, right? Like when to lean on different things and knowing that it's gonna change from day to day. Like that all has come from working with coaches and perfecting and honing my craft as a coach. And I don't even wanna say perfecting cuz it's not about being perfect, but it's about really being committed to being a product of my product, right? Like holding myself to the standard of knowing that if I'm gonna show up and ask my clients to go all in on trusting themselves, on believing in anything that's possible, believing in everything they wanna create, like I've gotta freaking be doing that for myself. Right.

And that's like a hundred percent how I created my Broadway debut in six months by just believing I was gonna be on Broadway by the end of the year. It's how I've built a six figure business by deciding and intentionally believing that I am a $200k coach, right? Like I, I am a multiple six figure coach. It's part of my self-concept that I intentionally choose. And again, this is freaking bananas to me too. Like, I literally don't think that two years ago... even five years ago, this was not even in my consciousness, okay?

It was not in my consciousness. To become a coach, to have a business where I serve other performers and allow them to step into their own power and to, you know, change and create ripple effects for their future freaking generational legacies to come. Like, what? This was not on my radar.

But I knew from so young, like the thing that I used to always say was that I wanted to make an impact in at least one person's life. I used to say this. I, I really, for a long time, this was the vision that I carried with me, was like, when I die, no matter what I do or choose to do in my life, I just wanna know that I made a positive impact on one person's life. And like mission accomplished, but like seriously, that was like something that's been driving me for so long and I don't think that I would've created or made the space for that vision and that desire had it not been for coaching.

Right. Like I just wasn't breathing energy into my own capability to make an impact in that way. My ability to become an entrepreneur, like honestly, that's something I'm still wrapping my brain around, that I'm a freaking entrepreneur and I have a business and that I like serve clients on the regular, right? Like, this is what I'm talking about too. Like I think that having a coach is so important because sometimes when we're creating future self concepts, there's times when our results are showing up and our brain has not caught up. Like our brain has not caught up with the fact that this is who we are now.

Because we've been like intentionally creating it, and it's been something that's like, again, sort of coming from our future wisdom, but not really being in the lived- in experience. So having a coach has allowed me to create the goals, step into the self concept, and then learn how to also be the person that has that result. Because your brain's gonna wanna like, reject it. Believe that like it's not true or that it was a fluke. All of those things, right? So like I think that having a coach has allowed me to step into that as well.

What else? I mean, $100,000 invested in my own brain looks like genuinely knowing my value as a human, as a coach, as a performer, as a partner, as a woman, like literally as a human being on this planet, like my value is not questioned, right? Like that is known and certain and a hundred percent, like it's just inherent, right? I think that it's created the space to be aware of my people pleasing, to create tighter boundaries in the energy that I allow and accept into my life. I think it has changed and released so much judgment that I used to have towards others, that honestly, like when you're judging others, you're just judging yourself, right? Like that has completely transformed my life and allowed me to be present in ways that I didn't know were possible.

And again, like I think it just changed the trajectory of my whole freaking life. I knew that I wanted to make a difference. I knew that I had a lot to offer the world, and I didn't know that I was capable of doing it in this way, to the magnitude that now I'm stepping into, right? Like I have a really big vision of changing and impacting and creating ripple effects in the performing arts industry by creating more six- figure performers, who are doing things that they love with ease and passion and impact and booking the type of work that really lights them up.

Like that's how I experience my life and that's what I want for the industry. Like I want that to be the freaking standard. Right. And that's my vision and that's what I'm working on right now. And so, yeah, it's gonna be fucking uncomfortable for me to keep stepping into that, right? Of like believing that I can create that change, that the work that I'm doing now is sparking and inspiring and creating shifts in other performers to allow and invite that into their lives too.

And, yeah. It's really uncomfortable. There's parts of you that you have to let go of. There's parts of yourself that you identify with that don't get to come along for the journey. Right? And that's okay. And that's beautiful. And I think that I've really sunk it into, into my bones, knowing that what is happening for me is FOR me, in perfect timing to bring me to exactly where I'm meant to be with precision and intention and clarity and like full support of the universe, like full support and alignment and just like genuine freaking trust of knowing that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

Like I really deeply freaking know that whatever's meant for me is not going to pass me by, and like I am just getting started. Even at $100k, $100,000 invested in myself... and I'm just gonna be fully freaking transparent I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna keep investing in myself because every single freaking investment, I have gotten 10 times the value and 10 times the clarity and the presence and the consciousness that allows me to show up in ways that I didn't know were possible.

Okay? And seriously. Even at $100,000, which like again, I didn't have when I started this journey. Let me just say that really freaking loud and clear. I did not start with like a bank account that just had this money in it, right? It was created as I went. Each investment I trusted myself to make the money and it came. Right. Like I went all in, in believing that I could make money as a coach and then I did.

I believed that I could get hired as a performer and that I did right? Like the belief has to come first. That's also another concept that I teach my clients because I've lived it. Belief Before Results. It's a way of living, breathing, and being. Okay, but like I did not just have a hundred thousand dollars sitting there and I look back and it's like, holy shit, my whole life has changed from buying into the value of investing in my brain. Now, I know that I'm gonna be a millionaire in this lifetime. And honestly, like if it's possible for me, it's possible for you. So like why not? Not in a hopeful wishing maybe someday type of way... in a real freaking tangible, I see it happening, it's happening. And I'm taking everyone with me, right?

So even at a hundred thousand dollars, if someone said to me right now, Kelli, I will give you a hundred thousand dollars to buy back the results that you've created in your life. I would say No thank you. Because the results I've gotten, literally, are worth a million times more than what I've paid. Like it's that freaking valuable. The way that I've learned to trust myself, to honor myself, to take care of myself, to speak up for myself, to stop judging myself. The amount of emotional space that I have when I am walking down the street is priceless.

Like I literally can walk down the street and be present rather than feeling like a crushing weight on my chest. And again, this isn't to say that I'm not human, like I'm still freaking human and I still have a freaking human brain and there's moments when I have, perceived air quote, negative emotions that are challenging and hard, and I know how to freaking support myself through them. So I'm not spinning into like deep, deep depression and despair like I used to, feeling like I literally wanted to kill myself and get off of this planet because I couldn't freaking take my life, right? Like I don't have those moments. And I don't walk down the streets wondering how I'm gonna make money, how I'm gonna survive, how I'm going to take care of myself, or what I'm gonna do when I can't perform anymore. Like all of those things that used to literally cripple me, don't happen anymore.

Right? Like when I used to be afraid of my relationship ending or something going wrong, like I just literally don't have the same level of experience in my highs and lows because of the tools that I've gained from coaching and because of the baseline that I've given myself in terms of knowing that my experience is literally in my hands, all of the time.

And I get to feel like a fucking badass along the way, right? Like everything in my life is a hundred percent available to me, because I decide it is. And because I decide it is I stay committed to the result. I stay committed to the beliefs before the result. And then it freaking shows up, right? And I'm all in to do the work. Always. I'm all in to see how I'm creating my results, even when they're unwanted. Because I know that it's not a problem. I can freaking re-evaluate, make any change that I need to, and trust that the universe is on my side to create literally anything and everything that I desire. This is what is available to you from coaching, and you don't have to go $100k in. Okay.

But this is just like, again, for me as a professional and as a coach, like in this industry, I think it is important for me to continue doing the work. So that's why I'm never gonna stop investing in myself even past $100k. Right? But I just want you to consider for you, what would change if you believed you were worth investing it? Like if you believed that your emotional wellbeing, that the future you wanna create, that the way you wanna feel in your life is like the most valuable money that you could spend, right?

Because yeah, there has been sacrifice. I don't really think of it as sacrifice, but like, Yeah, of course. There has been times where I paid for coaching instead of going on a luxe vacation, .And my brain wanted to be very dramatic about it and feel very sad about it in the moment and feel like I was missing out. Right? But when I look back, it literally doesn't matter. Because whatever  temporary relief I wanted to get from that vacation, I've gotten way more of that for the future. And I have like literal thousands of vacations coming my way, right? Coming my way that are gonna be created by me and all the results I'm creating, right? So I don't, I say that... You don't have to choose between vacation and coaching. And again, what if coaching is more valuable for the long term effect of your life than like spending it on a vacation.

And again, you don't have to believe that, but I'm just curious what comes up for you when you try on that belief. When you try that thought on, right? Because coaching changes how you experience the rest of your freaking life and the way your brain is now, the neural pathways that are existing now, the habits that you have now, the thoughts and feelings that are triggered automatically now, that are uncomfortable and not useful, don't have to be something that just is the way it is, right?

Like if there's anything that I've learned, I'm a different human now than I used to be. And I'm continuing to change and evolve and grow. And again, it's like all from coaching. It's from investing a hundred freaking thousand dollars in my brain. That is what's changed me. That is what's propelled me. That is what has allowed me to grow so freaking rapidly. It's my brain, it's my thoughts. It's my emotional state. It's my energy. It's knowing how to maintain it. And doing it in such a sustainable, loving, compassionate way.

Okay. I let this episode be like a little bit more stream of consciousness, and I'm just trusting that I'm saying what's valuable and what's inspiring and what's gonna create a shift for you. And again, whether it's with me or someone else, just know that this investment, this way of spending your money is valuable and it will come back to you in ways that you cannot even freaking expect because of the level of calm, ease, certainty, confidence, that you will have access to when your brain is managed and when you're not putting out fires in your brain all of the time.

There's just so much more spaciousness and that's what creates the capacity to have it all. So yeah, that's my full transparent confession. I have spent $100,000 on my own transformation, mastering the art of coaching, and doing the deep fucking work of healing myself and like really taking ownership of everything I wanna have in this life. And if I can do it, you can do it too. And if you wanna get started and do this level of work, it's seriously life- changing transformation, and it's available to you, too. Right now I am enrolling for the first round of THE PARADIGM, and it starts in January. Okay. There's 10 spots and one of them could be yours. Go to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/the-paradigm to learn more and to apply now.

I promise, I am taking everyone along with me as I continue to grow, up level and keep doing the work. You all get to benefit from my freaking investing and transforming, right? It all is benefiting you too. Okay. That's all I gotta say for today.

Let yourself reflect on what was surprising about this, what you automatically thought, like, I couldn't do that, I could never, right? Like it's not good, bad, right or wrong. It's just valuable information for you to see where your current beliefs lie and like what you might be willing to shift and open up in order to create your own transformations. Just explore investigate. There's no judgment necessary. Alright. I will meet you back here for another episode.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and if you did, make sure to share it with a friend who is also an actor, singer, or dancer. You can also help spread the word by leaving this review wherever you listen to podcasts in order to help people find this resource.

Lastly, you can find me on Instagram @kelliyoungmanwellness, and if you're interested in coaching, make sure to head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/launch to join my list now. See you soon.