Ep 16: The Value of Being Yourself and Getting What You Came For

In this episode, I'm reflecting on my recent Halloween experience to demonstrate the value of being fully yourself and opening yourself up to receive the magic around you. Not gonna lie, this one is a little bit out there, but stick with me and it'll be totally worth it and super entertaining. You ready? Let's do it.

Hello, You are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more so keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode 16 of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. So on today's episode, I would like to share an experience that I had with Steve, my boyfriend, my partner on Halloween, because I think that it demonstrates a few important points. And I decided I wanted to share this on the podcast cause I was telling the story to a client and I realized like the profoundness of the experience that I had. So, you ready? Buckle up. Okay.

So for those of you who may or may not know, Steve and I have a little bit of an age difference. An age gap. So Steve is older than me by 11 years, and his taste in music is definitely different than mine. And I, I don't think that I have like a very strong preference in music, but I like music that I can dance to. I think that some of Steve's like, rock preferences have become favorites of mine because I've heard them now so often throughout our relationship. So Steve has different taste in music and for Halloween, he wanted to go see this concert that was happening at the Beacon Theater in New York City.

And the band is called Ween. Okay? W e e n. And if I'm being honest, I'm not familiar with their work. I've heard maybe one song before. But it was one of those things where I knew Steve was super excited about it, so I obviously I was gonna go and have a good time, and as we got there, it was this moment of like, Oh my gosh, these people are like diehard fans. Like they're here for this amazing, legendary band that I don't really have the same emotional connection to.

Also just like, again, let me set the scene that it was on Halloween when we went. So there were people dressed up in costumes and people were just like festive and alive and ready to party.

So we're there, We're in our seats ready for the concert to begin, and the band is a bunch of middle aged men. Male presenting humans in their forties, fifties, right? Like they've been around and they walk out on stage, all dressed in matching squirrel costumes. Yes, you heard me correctly. Squirrels. These grown ass men came out to start their concert dressed in squirrel costumes.

And they had these, Okay, just bear with me. Okay. They had these like squishy , like imagine like plush like stuffed animal type material, but like stuffed nuts, like acorns, like velcro'd to their crotch. And here I am as a spectator, just taking it all in.

Okay. And in that moment, something clicked, right? It was wild to witness one, this band. People were going nuts. Okay. And like the impact that this band has had on people and the impact that this was creating just by them being themselves, right? Like they were not thinking about what other people were gonna think. I mean, I would imagine if they were coming out dressed as squirrels, like they were just having fun. They wanted to enjoy themselves. They were being playful. They were giving like zero fucks about what people would think about their stuffed animal acorns. Smooshed on their... I can't even take myself seriously right now, but like they literally took these like acorns off. They were swinging 'em around. They threw 'em in the audience, and people loved it. Their people went crazy.

So I want you to consider that the people who are your people are your biggest fans and they already are your hugest supporters. And imagine the impact that your work could have in the world when you are really believing that the most powerful, potent way to show up is just being yourself.

Okay? And the other thing that I wanna talk about is that, again, like this was not my scene.  Like this, wasn't a band or music or people that I was familiar with. And I remember like, again the whole vibe was like, This is Steve's thing. I wanna support him. Let's go do this together. But then I had this moment of like, wow.

Like how powerful. I was just so inspired again by them coming on stage, dress as squirrels being themselves, that I just opened myself up and I decided, I remember like consciously having this thought, like, what if I just opened myself up to experience their magic. And like, I don't even know, like me right now as I'm talking about, I'm getting emotional because it's just like they stayed so freaking true to themselves, right?

And so I literally had this moment of like, you know what I'm here. And I'm gonna open myself up to receive everything that they're putting and showing us and sending our way into the audience. And I just decided. Right, and I talk with my clients about this concept a lot too, of like really getting what you came for.

And so I just decided, what do I wanna get out of this freaking concert? What do I wanna get out of this next hour and a half, two hours that I'm gonna be sitting in this theater consuming their art? And I just decided, and you can use this again, this idea for literally anything in your life, but I just decided I am here to receive their energy. I'm here to be inspired. I'm here to have fun. I'm here to open myself up to new things. I'm here to be fully present with Steve as he's enjoying this thing that means something to him, like I want to just be available for the fun, the joy, the pleasure, the excitement, the energy that is pulsing through this theater.

So in that moment, it no longer became about like, Well, what the fuck is this music? I don't know who these people are. I don't know any of the lyrics. And instead it transformed the experience into one giant dance party for me. Right. I was like, Oh wait, if I don't have to like know these people to receive their magic and to, you know, get what I came for. I can just do whatever I want. And what I want is to dance, and I wanna let the music move me. And I wanna just like be playful and in this energy that they're creating.

And I think that this is such a good reminder that we are the ones who create our experience. I'm gonna say that again. We, you are the one that creates your experience. All of the time. Right. And so I was talking with a client about this in the lens of like when we sign up or say yes to a project and like we're sort of straddling like the, am I gonna let myself like go all in?  And enjoy this? Or am I gonna let these other things, whether it's other people's thoughts, my judgements, expectations, beliefs that I'm currently carrying. Am I gonna let that stop me from going all in and actively deciding what I wanna get out of this experience? And choosing to be responsible to actually get it right.

So in the instance of like taking on a job, are you gonna like do this workshop and feel a little burdened by the pay? Are you gonna do this workshop and feel a little womp womp, it's not the best case scenario. It's not like the ultimate vision of my dream, or are you gonna just open yourself up to what's available for you to receive? Right? I think it's the same thing with auditions. It's literally the same thing with anything. Friendships, relationships, auditions, literally anything.

You just have the option of being active and deciding what you wanna get out of it, which allows you to guarantee what you're gonna get out of it. Let me try to say that again. If I can remember. You have the opportunity and the option to be intentional about what you wanna get out of it, which allows you to be responsible and guarantee what you walk away from any circumstance, conversation, experience with.

And again, it starts with the belief that your experience is in your control. And that comes from your thoughts, it comes from your mindset, your perspective, and your intention, right? Your awareness and the level of your own conscious creation in your life. Okay? So I'm gonna give you another example, right?

Like say you're going to take a class and you're like, Oh boy, gonna just go take this class. But you don't actively decide. What you wanna get out of the experience. So it just leaves you open to respond to what's happening and react to what's happening, rather than being in the driver's seat. You're like, Oh, oh, this combination's not super fun. It's not really that great. I don't like this song. Right. Or like womp womp.. This person just stood in front of me and they're blocking the mirror. Right. Like man, I'm just like not having a good day. So now, what was the point of taking this class versus like, You know what? I'm walking into this class today and I'm gonna get what I came for. And what I came for is to challenge myself to pick up choreography quickly or to just channel the most fun risk taking movements that I can embody in my fingers and my face. Like, I don't know. I'm literally making this up, but it could be anything, right?

But like when you have an intention, that's when a hundred percent in your control, then you can be responsible to get it no matter what. Right. And I just think it's so much more useful to be intentional and again, to like find all the ways that you are in control of your experience. Because most times we will say, Okay, like I use this example a lot with my clients, but like say you're going out to dinner with friends, and I've had this happen where I'm like, Oh my gosh, we're gonna have a great time. It's gonna be so fun. And then the server spills water on you and you're like, Fuck this. The dinner's ruined. This was like so annoying, right? And you like, let that overshadow the entire experience and then because of law of attraction and you're pissed that the water got spilled, then the food comes out late or people's entrees are wrong, right?

Like then we like keep attracting more of the same versus just being like, You know what? I am all here, all in to experience connection, to like laugh my freaking ass off, and to just be fully present, right? Like when all of those things are in my control. And when I set the intention to create that experience for myself, when the water spills, it's like, Okay, no problem.

I can still get what I want. Food came out wrong, like, yeah, a little annoying, but like, that's not what I came for, right? Like you just get to decide ahead of time and then create whatever you wanna experience.

So, what I want you to take away from this episode more than anything is like one, what is the experience that you want to have? How do you wanna feel and how can you be responsible for getting it, for creating it, for being the one who has the magic and the ability and the capacity to have any freaking outcome that you wanna have? Right? And what does it look like, and I say this with love for myself as well, what does it look like to not take everything so seriously?

What does it look like to be willing to know that the impact you make comes from you being yourself, from you giving yourself full permission to be 100% you. And following your fuck yes. Even if that means coming on stage in a furry squirrel costume with  velcro'd nuts on your pelvic area, right? Like you being you in whatever way that looks like, is the thing that changes the world.

And when you give yourself permission to see that, to embody it, to have fun, to radiate out into the world without any freaking limitations, and knowing that you get to just have the life and the feeling and the emotions that you wanna have on a regular basis, you get to have that experience. Okay, That's all I got for you today. And I think it's a big one, so let it sink in. Welcome in the fun. Decide what you want. And go freaking do that. All right, I'll meet you back here next week for another episode.

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See you soon.