Ep 9: Badge of Struggle

In this episode, we're gonna be talking about your Badge of Struggle. I'm gonna tell you exactly what it is and how you can know when you're wearing it, so you can give yourself permission to finally take it off. Because when you do, that is where all the magic happens. You ready? Let's go.

Hello. You are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life - both on and off the stage.

Hello and welcome back to episode nine of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. Now, before we jump into today's episode, I just have to celebrate my clients because the results they're getting are incredible, because they're being so committed to the work, because they're making the daily choice to think differently, because they're taking the work we do on our calls and then living it and breathing it and trying it on, and staying committed, even when it feels challenging.

I have so many clients tell me after we are working together, that they feel like different humans, that they feel like a different person. Right. And I know this is true because I feel like a different person. When I think back to myself two years ago, even a month ago. Like the way this work integrates into your life, it allows you to use your brain at a different capacity. It allows you to access more happiness, joy, ease, the way you navigate circumstances and last minute changes or last minute auditions, like all of that is impacted because of the work we do together on our calls. Truly, when you show up and when you're committed to the process, this works for anyone.

I'm like really celebrating one specific client. I know that when she came to me, she was feeling a little hopeless and sad and just really stuck in her career. And I remember that she had this fear of like, will this work for me? Right. Like she thought that for some reason, it wasn't gonna work for her. And I'll just share that she's at a point where we've been working together for a few months now and she has turned a corner. This work is sinking into her bones and she's the person that's radiating joy about her career, right? Like she's the person who's magnetic now. And it feels completely different.

So no matter where you're starting, just know that if you really decide to be the person that applies these concepts, to take on and make the decision that you can have a different kind of life, a different kind of experience in your career, that this can work for you too.

I have another client who just finished up and when we started, she rated her career at a three out of ten. Like she just was feeling like she hadn't been getting auditions, things weren't working for her, and like, again, she was just feeling a little stuck and not knowing what to do next. And she just knew that she had to do something different. So we started working together and literally after six months, she's rating her career at a seven out of ten. Her emotional wellness is so much higher. She is trusting herself, being more present in her life, and making decisions that really serve her career now and for the future.

And again, I just wanna emphasize that no matter where you are starting, it is possible for you to be in the performing arts and for you to love your life and your career.  This isn't just like a mythical thing out there for other people. It really is available to you, too. Okay. It's available to you!

And if you're at a place in your career where like things are good and you've had success and you are just at a place where you want more, just know that that's available for you too, right? No matter where you are in your career, this works. This elevates your experience and it will change how you show up to your entire life. Not just your life as a performer. You get to be the kind of person that prioritizes their career a hundred percent, but also loves their life. 

Like I'm thinking of another client who is now just working and booking like nonstop. She also is getting to prioritize making decisions from a different, elevated financial standpoint, where she's trusting that she can go and fly across the country and be with her family, fly back to New York.

It's just like, there's so much possibility to how you, uniquely you, want to experience your life as an actor, singer or dancer, right? Like it doesn't have to look like anyone else. You get to decide. You get to trust yourself. And when you're really genuinely loving your life, anything is freaking possible. Literally anything. And when you are loving your life, you also become a magnet for the things that you desire. Okay. So I want you to keep this in mind. I just wanted to take some time to really acknowledge clients and I mean, there's so many other clients too, who are having these kinds of results, but these are just the ones that are coming to my brain right now.

I just wanted to share that so that you can see yourself in these results and know that if it's possible for them, it's also possible for you. And if this is already resonating with you, I want you to know that the work, the concepts, the ideas that I'm sharing on this podcast are the exact ideas and concepts I work with my clients on. The only difference is that they are giving themselves the time and the space and the container to be doing this consistently and regularly and plugging in. So if that's something that you want, just know that you can have that. It's available to you and you can head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/waitlist to get on my wait list now.

Okay. Let's jump in. Today we're gonna be talking about releasing your Badge of Struggle. And I'm just gonna warn you. This episode is gonna be a Truth Mirror moment, because you need it. Because it's the thing that's gonna move the needle. And because it is the thing that's going to change what you're available for.

So let's start by just talking about what is a Badge of Struggle. A Badge of Struggle is when you are like wearing this on your shirt, on your sleeve, on your lapel, and you're like keeping score of all of the hard shit you're going through, right. You're like, oh my gosh. My life is so hard. People don't understand the amount of things that I am coming up against right now. And it's just unbearable. It's super hard.

And the interesting thing about this is that when we are wearing this Badge of Struggle, we like to show other people and be like, Hey, you got a Badge of Struggle, too? Amazing. But let me tell you, my struggle is even worse than yours. You're not gonna believe this.

Right. And I just wanna offer, like, I totally get it because I've been there, especially when I was in college, especially when I got outta college. Right. Like I always was wearing my debt as a Badge of Struggle wearing the personal struggles that I had been through, my personal traumas and history and, you know, my brother's passing. It was like one thing after the other, I would just add onto this little Badge of Struggle. And I would wear it as this like armor, as this protection, of like, "no, but seriously. I have a lot of shit going on. You don't understand what it's like to be me."

And so I just want you to check in and just notice if this sounds familiar, it's not a problem. Okay. But I think the first thing starts with just acknowledging when you are carrying this struggle, when you're using the struggle to reinforce the challenges, the difficulty, and like the emotions, right? Like the negative emotions you're experiencing and validating them.

And now here's the thing. Of course, we're human. Of course, you get to honor and process and experience your human emotions. They are not good, bad, right or wrong. And. There's a difference between experiencing your emotions and like using them as evidence, fuel, and lingering in this space of the hardness of your life.

And so it just requires the space and the awareness to look at, where am I doing that? Right? Where, cuz this is gonna be different for everyone, right? Like where does it cross the line of like I'm honoring and witnessing and allowing myself to be human. And now where is the line for you personally, where you cross into, now I'm indulging. I'm holding myself in a little bit of victimhood and I am like wearing this Badge of Struggle for everyone to see. And only you know that. Only you know the difference between the two and what that looks like for you.

But I can tell you that I see this happening a lot right now in the industry, because we have been in different circumstances. There have been circumstances that have shifted, right? We aren't having as many in-person auditions and there have been things and elements about our experiences as actor, singers, or dancers that have changed, right?

Because we are not having in-person auditions, we're not having as much camaraderie and the energy of the room, and we're not getting to be in the routined practice of doing our craft and our skill in- person. Like that is a real, tangible circumstance, so I'm not denying that there has been shifts. Right. But the interesting thing is, is that there are people who are really thriving in this time and booking work like nonstop from self tapes. And then there are people who are still spinning in the energy of this is so hard. Like we shouldn't have to do this X, Y, Z.

And now I'm not really here to argue with how the unions have been navigating this or anything like that. Right. What I'm here to do is to invite you back into your personal power, into your agency that you have access to right now.

Because your thoughts, the way you're relating to the industry, the way you're relating to self tapes, the way you're relating to your life and your career right now is the thing that's gonna change your experience of it. Right. And I wanna just emphasize, if you haven't listened to episode number two, I want you to go back and listen to it now, because your thoughts are the most important thing ever. Your thoughts matter because they're creating your feelings. They're informing your actions all of the time. And the energy that you're sitting in is what makes you available to manifest the things you desire or not.

So this episode is about inviting you back into your personal power that you have access to right now, without anything changing, without audition protocols, changing without self tape changing, without any of it changing. You have access to power to plug you back into your career, to experience it in a way that makes you available to new opportunities. To new outcomes.

And as a Truth Mirror moment. I'm just gonna tell you, it starts with releasing your Badge of Struggle. Okay. Because I want you to think about the struggle feels a little good sometimes  right. It's like, Ugh, I'm working so hard. I'm working so hard and I'm doing things that are so challenging and it can feel fulfilling even at times, or validating and worthwhile when we are associating the hard and the struggle with progress. But the thing is, is the struggle and the hard isn't what creates the result. So that's where we get stuck in this loop of struggle and hard. And we're not seeing the outcome. We're not seeing the bookings or the auditions, or even the enjoyment that we wanna be having from our craft.

Right. So here's the thing. We have to drop the Badge of Struggle. We have to be willing to take it off. We have to be willing to see that that struggle is not creating the result. So what does it look like as a process? It looks like one, first acknowledging when you are in that space, right? Acknowledging it and loving yourself. Because we don't wanna go into judgment or shame about the fact that we're there. It's like totally human. You're allowed to be there and you get to acknowledge that that's not the thing that's gonna serve you the most. So you take a zoomed out perspective and you just witness yourself in this space.

Okay. You see yourself with your Badge of Struggle and you just acknowledge like, okay, I got it on right now. Because the thing that most people don't consider is what this Badge of Struggle is costing you. Okay. There's always a trade off. You can keep the Badge of Struggle. Right? You can keep the temporary feeling goodness, that's coming from this struggle and the reinforcing of it. But what is it costing you?

It's costing you your happiness. The enjoyment in your career. It's costing you being in the vibration of booking work. It's taking away your light and your, your magneticness. It's taking away the thing that aligns you with everything that you desire. Right. So you can keep the Badge of Struggle, but that's the trade off.

And honestly, I would invite you to get even more specific for you. Right? What is it costing you? What does it look like when you have this Badge of Struggle on your chest? What do you get out of it? Right. We keep doing it because we're getting something out of it. Whether it's wanted or unwanted, what are you getting out of this Badge of Struggle and what is the trade off? What are you missing out on? And is that trade off worth it? Most of the time, the answer is no.

Okay. So here's how you're gonna take it off. You're zoomed out, right? You have the zoomed out perspective and you're just gonna give yourself permission to release it. You're gonna imagine, who would I be without this struggle? Who would I get to be without this struggle? And you're just going to start imagining and embodying and stepping into the thoughts and thinking and feeling that you imagine this other version of you would be living as.

And maybe it's as simple as like, I am committed to not complaining today. I'm committed to not badmouthing my agents. I'm committed to not talking and having another conversation with someone who's wearing a Badge of Struggle. I'm just willing to give myself the space to feel different. And it's okay if you don't go from like struggle all the way to like, ah, I love my life. It's amazing. Right? Because you're not gonna jump from Point A to point B. It's too big of a leap.

But you do wanna give yourself permission to feel a little bit of relief. And maybe that just looks like, you know what, that's out of my control and I'm not gonna worry about things that are out of my control. Instead, I'm gonna step into what is in my power, what is in my control. And I can control the thoughts that I'm thinking about my life.

So instead of playing this open loop on repeat of like: my life is terrible, the performing arts industry is terrible. Everything is gone to shit. No one's watching anything right. Instead of playing those thoughts over and over and over again. You're gonna ask yourself, what if that wasn't true? What if it's not true? What can I find today about myself, about my life, and maybe about your career that you do love? What is working? Why are self tapes so valuable?

The next episode, just get ready is gonna be all about self tapes and auditions and specific thoughts you can think. But just as a practice, like what can you find that's useful about doing a self tape? Why is a self tape useful, no matter if someone watches it or not? And you can just start opening your brain up to new possibilities. But you have to be willing to take the Badge of Struggle off. From there, you can be in a space where you're more available to have different thoughts about yourself and your career.

And Hey, listen, if you are not able to get to a place where you can think amazing thoughts about your career, that's fine. Think amazing thoughts about your dog. Think amazing thoughts about the Universe. Go outside and look at a tree and just look at the sky and think like, how wild is it that I have fingers! Like I have fingers that I can grab things with and it makes eating easier.  And I get to paint my nails when I want, like, you can find anything to appreciate. But it's really hard to find appreciation when you're wearing your Badge of Struggle. You have to be willing to take it off.

So again, I just wanna recap and invite you to witness and acknowledge if you've been wearing a Badge of Struggle. Okay. And you're gonna love yourself. You're gonna witness it. You're gonna love yourself. And you're gonna offer yourself a lot of compassion. Because a hundred percent, what you've gone through has been challenging, right? What you've experienced has been challenging and you're on the other side of it and you can choose to be on the other side of it now. And in order to do that, you have to take the bad of struggle off. You have to be willing to give yourself space to move into a different vibrational experience.

And so you're gonna look at where am I holding onto this? What is it costing me? How is it affecting me to keep this Badge of Struggle on? What does it look like to commit to not wearing it? Or to at least be willing to take it off for a little bit at a time. Right. What does it look like to give myself permission to maybe step out of being in my Badge of Struggle for like the next hour or the next two hours or the next day?

And the magic about that is like, we really only ever have to commit to these 24 hours. Right.  because we can't ever be anywhere other than here. Right here right now. So it's like, what does it look like to commit to taking off your Badge of Struggle for the next 24 hours? And what are the possibilities that it could create? What other emotions and feelings do you wanna invite into your life today? And maybe it's just curiosity or relief or just like space and refreshment and air  and like just a little bit of ease and comfort. Right? And that's how you give yourself permission to start moving up the emotional scale. And it's what gives you the opportunity to start loving yourself and your life again.

Because it's really, really, really, really, really hard to do that with the Badge of Struggle on. You probably could get there, maybe, but with like a million times more effort. And so like, just give yourself the space to explore. What does it look like to take it off? Why is it worth it for me to put this down for now? And what will it allow me to plug back into? You get to answer those questions for yourself and just see what comes up.

Cause again, there's times where we're all in this and when we're in it, it can be really disorienting and nothing's gone wrong. I wanna offer you an invitation to step back and zoom out. And allow yourself to become the person you do want to be. And I know that you want to be connected to the part of you that's loving and lit up and like excited and invigorated and just so inspired to be alive. And that's available to you right freaking now.

So just decide. Decide that you're gonna take your Badge of Struggle off decide you're not going to bump around and like find other people with struggle to wade around and like roll around in the struggle together. Just give yourself a little bit of space to find the relief. Okay.

The sooner you start implementing this, whether it's from listening to this podcast and actively practicing and trying it on or by joining my wait list for coaching and giving yourself time and space to make these changes - either way, the sooner you start, the more emotional satisfaction and relief and ease and happiness that you get to access. Okay. I will meet you back here for the next episode. It's gonna be a good one, cuz we're gonna be talking all about self tapes. All right. See you soon.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode. And if you did, make sure to share it with a friend who is also an actor, singer or dancer. You can also help spread the word by leaving this review wherever you listen to podcasts in order to help people find this resource.

Lastly, you can find me on Instagram at @kelliyoungmanwellness. And if you're interested in coaching, make sure to head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/waitlist to join my list now. See you soon!