Ep 7: Pleasure Thresholds

In this episode, we're gonna be talking about your Pleasure Threshold and how to be aware of where you might be limiting the amount of good things that you're allowing yourself to receive. This is how you lean into attracting more and more and more of what you do want. You ready? Let's do it.

Hello, you are listening to the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I'm Kelli Youngman and I am The Life Coach for Performers. I help actors, singers, and dancers love themselves and their lives way more. So keep listening to learn how you can love your life, both on and off the stage.

Hello. And welcome back to episode number seven of the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast. I am super excited about today's episode because this is something that I've also been navigating in my own work. So I know that it's gonna be super beneficial to you. Now I am going to be extremely transparent and I just want to let you know that it might feel a little uncomfortable.

And so if there's anything in what I am saying, because we're gonna be talking about just like money and experience and pleasure that if there's anything that feels like it triggers you, just know that that's okay. And that it's safe. It's not a problem. And I invite you ahead of time to get really curious.

I know for me and for my clients, sometimes there will be moments where it feels maybe like envy or jealousy or any kind of emotions in that realm. And it feels super uncomfortable to witness it. And what I love to practice is actually acknowledging that those emotions are so freaking useful.

Because it helps identify that there is something in what I'm saying, what someone else is sharing, that you desire. And honestly, this could be a whole podcast in itself, and I probably will do one about this in the future. And I want you to just have that as a framework, as a lens to hear this.

Because again, if any of that shows up, just be so happy. Right. Like, and grateful that your brain is identifying something that you really desire. And you get to add that to your desire list as like a Hell yes! I want that too. Right. And you can keep allowing yourself to work on believing that it is possible for you, too.

Okay. So with that in mind, I hope you're ready. Cuz this is gonna be really fun. Today we are gonna be talking about pleasure thresholds and you might have heard of this concept before as sort of like upper limits. Right. And if you don't know what that is, don't worry. I'm gonna talk about it and tell you about it right now.

So this is basically like, I want you to think about having a ceiling, right? That at some point, we all have upper limits. We have a cap, we have a ceiling, we have a limit and I don't even wanna say a limit, but we have a practiced threshold of what we are willing to receive. What we currently associate with who we're being and what's available to us in our life.

And there's sort of like a place where we reach the ceiling. Okay. This isn't a problem because we're honestly always going to be bumping up against those upper limits. We're always gonna be reaching those thresholds and that's a beautiful thing. Because from there, we have the capacity to expand and to receive more and to really change what we are willing to feel and allow ourselves to receive.

Okay. So for example, I mentioned on last week's episode that I spent a week masterminding with other coaches from all over the world. And more specifically, I spent that week at the freaking Four Seasons. Okay. The Four Seasons in Orlando at Disney and the weather was gorgeous and there were Palm trees everywhere and it was so freaking luxurious.

And if you follow me on Instagram, you may have also seen in my stories that I attracted and created a free upgrade. So instead of getting like a normal double room that I was sharing with my friend Lindsey, we ended up getting this bomb ass room that had super high ceilings and a really gorgeous, extended outdoor patio with a table and some lounge chairs that looked over the pool with, again, just like water and trees and luscious greens.

Okay. This was insane and beautiful, and it was just such a perfect opportunity for me to elevate and continue to elevate my self concept. And as you're listening to this episode now, that was scheduled and recorded ahead of time, I am actually in Spain with my partner, Steve. I'm in Spain right now, as you're listening to this, if you're listening to it the week that it is released.

And to me, this is just a wild example of something that I'm currently experiencing and living that I did not think was possible for me, right. To stay at the Four Seasons and then come back and go on vacation to Barcelona and San Sebastian and like get to live my most luxurious life.

I think this is so important to talk about for a few reasons, but I noticed that for me, these things seem so out of my realm of possibility based on what I thought my life trajectory was pre pandemic, right. Pre pandemic, before I hired my very first coach, before I started my business, before I really started believing that I could be a person that has an amazing performing career that I love and also runs a multiple six figure business. Right. This is something that I'm working on as far as my self-concept, and we're gonna talk about self-concept more in the coming episodes, right. And we're looking at it specifically through the lens of pleasure thresholds.

And we're gonna talk about what it looks like to start identifying for yourself when you are reaching that upper limit. Because I will tell you that after I went to the Four Seasons and lived so freaking luxuriously, there was still part of my brain, right? Gotta love our human brains. That wanted to offer, who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are to live like this? Like, we cannot be this happy, right? You cannot be this happy and this comfortable and this satisfied and this joyful, right? Like you're supposed to struggle. You're supposed to be earning this kind of stuff in a way that feels hard. Right? You are supposed to be a person that struggles with money. Like, there's no way you are supposed to be experiencing this level of abundance.

And so, I'm so grateful because I have the tools to identify like, hold on a second. That's just some BS right there. That is just my brain offering some BS. And I know that I'm worthy of receiving more, having more, and giving myself anything and everything that I want to experience in this human life.

Okay.  So I want you to think about again, what does it look like for you? One, where are you already stopping yourself from experiencing more of what you do want? Right? Because that might be a place to start. Where am I stopping myself from even having these dreams of like, going on a week long vacation to Spain or whatever that looks like for you, right? Whatever your amazing vision and desires are for your life.

Where are you sort of already blocking or preventing those experiences? And where are you experiencing really good things and then feeling like, oh shit. And your brain offers like a bunch of BS that tries to throw a wrench in all the goodness that you're experiencing?

So I'm gonna give you a few more examples of how this might show up for you, right? Maybe you have like an amazing audition experience, right? You have an audition, you get called back. You are like, oh my God, everyone in that room just freaking loved me! I feel so incredible! I know I'm talented! I know that next thing is coming for me! This is mine. And you're like plugged into like how much fun it is. Right.

And then a week goes by and you're like, oh, I am such an idiot. Why was I letting myself indulge in feeling good and proud about myself and like letting myself fuel my career with this amazing, loving feeling? Like, God. Of course, that doesn't work. And then we like go into this, like maybe spiral of like, ah, I gotta go back to feeling bad and like I'm a failure and we let our brains take us down this other trajectory. Right.

Or maybe it looks like, you know, what. Everything in my life is going amazing. I just started dating this new person and it's going so freaking well. And I am just like so intrigued and inspired and I feel happier than I've ever felt. Like I actually am making a lot of money right now. And my job feels easy and fun. And I'm like really focused on the things that are working in my life. And like my days feel incredible. And then your brain might wanna offer, like, hold on a second.

You might be feeling really good about everything else, but let's look over here. Let's look over here where like you aren't doing enough and you aren't, you know, being disciplined enough and you aren't going to classes and you aren't doing all those other things you should be doing. Right. And then your brain starts "shoulding" all over yourself, I like to call it. Because we just start saying all the shoulds, right. And it's just like this negative draining energy. That again, pulls you out of the joy, the high frequency emotions that you're feeling that are actually allowing you to enjoy your life.

And so here's the other thing about pleasure thresholds, right? I find that for a lot of performers, it's either or. It's either my life is going really well or my career is going really well. And I wanna invite you to see that both your life and career could be going amazing at the same time, right. That you have the capacity to experience both, all, every single part of your life with the amount of pleasure and fun and joy that you desire.

That when either one of those things are going well, you get to just open up to receive more and more and more. Because our brains are always going to want to sort of, again, when we reach that upper limit, start pulling us back down to the average of who we're used to being and how we're used to feeling.

Okay. So this is where you get to lean into, I get to feel so freaking good. I get to experience pleasure in my everyday life. I get to enjoy the food I eat. I get to enjoy the beauty around me. I get to enjoy living in my favorite city. Right. And so, you get to tap into that and just keep expanding your capacity to receive more.

And so I already wanna pause because I know some people listening might not feel that way yet. And you might not even live in your favorite city yet. And here's what I wanna offer. Remember that we wanna stay in the vibration of how that thing feels, even before we have it. That is what attracts it to us. That's what keeps us in the energy of receiving. The minute you go into, well, I'm not there yet. Can't feel good yet. Right. That's doing the exact opposite of what you want.

So you wanna just allow yourself to find whatever it is for you that DOES feel good. Even if that means like, oh my goodness, I can stand outside and I can feel the sun radiating on my skin. Like I have amazing friends. I love my bed. I love my pillows. I love whatever it is that's around you. Like you get to find and seek out the pleasure in your life to give yourself more permission to receive and experience it. And the more you practice this, the more you will start becoming and aligning to all the things that you want to have.

Right. The feeling, the thought, the vibration, the energy, the belief, all of that has to come before you actually experience it. Okay. Where in your life are things actually going amazing. Right? And if you don't have to choose between your life feeling amazing, like your life as a human and your career as a performer, as an actor, singer or dancer, right...

if you don't have to choose, what does it look like to just give yourself permission to enjoy and love all of it? To enjoy when you go out to a fancy dinner with your friends. To enjoy when you spend money on a dance class or on a voice lesson, right. When you invest in like an amazing workshop with an agent or casting director or whatever that is.

When you really let yourself enjoy the pleasure of it, rather than going to a place where it's about the results and then letting those results dictate how you feel. You get to be in control of the pleasure you are feeling, and you get to just keep leaning in. When your life feels amazing, you get to just raise your hands to the sky.

Like, I will literally do this and I literally have my clients do this all of the time. Just raise your hands up to the Universe and say, thank you Universe. Yes, please. More! I am ready for more. I am ready to receive. I am ready to hold. I am ready to experience more and more pleasure. More good things are coming my way right now. Yes, please. More. Yes, please. More, more and more and more. Okay. You get to expand your capacity to feel good.

So the last thing that I wanna add is that you get to just start checking in with yourself, right? You just get to start being aware of where am I pulling back? Where am I experiencing so much freaking amazingness that then like my subconscious starts bringing me back to where I used to be before. And what does it look like to just acknowledge, Ok, I'm reaching a pleasure threshold. I'm reaching an upper limit and I get to expand my capacity to receive more. My life gets to feel and be 10 times more amazing than even right now. And you get to do that from a place of feeling amazing. Right?

Oftentimes we think that asking for more comes from a place when we're like, not where we wanna be. And yes, that could be true. And it's so much more fun to just be in a place where you're like, yep, this is amazing. And I'm ready for more. I'm ready to keep expanding my capacity to receive more. Okay. So just again, be willing to witness and explore and expand your threshold for pleasure.

And so some homework that I've given clients in the past is to create a Pleasure Plan. And I know that like the first connotation or association that usually comes up with the idea of a Pleasure Plan is like sexual pleasure and tapping into masturbation and all of those things and like a hundred percent, if that's your thing, that's where you know, your work is go, do that. Go enjoy. Amazing.

And there's also so many other avenues and ways to create and experience pleasure in your life. Maybe that looks like creating more space for naps or really like wine tasting your food and like just letting each bite be really delicious and savoring that, right. There's literally hundreds and thousands of ways to create and to receive pleasure. And again, you just get to find what resonates for you.

But if you were making this a priority, if you were making pleasure, something that you were seeking and something that you were creating and being conscious of, like integrating into your life to receive more of it, what would that look like for you? And what do you think your next steps would be? Because I guarantee you already know the answer. You already know where you could give yourself more permission to enjoy, to luxuriate, and to like really feel fun in expanding what you believe is possible for you.

Okay. Well, I will meet you back here after my amazing trip to Spain, which I am ending with a private sunset cruise on a private yacht with Steve on our very last night. And it is gonna be freaking glorious because, I allowed myself to witness that it was something that I desired and then I freaking gave it to myself.

And the last last thing I'll say is that if there's something in your life that you know, you would desire and would love to give yourself, I wanna also dare you to lean in and give yourself permission to do that, too. Okay, I'll meet you back here soon.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and if you did, make sure to share it with a friend who is also an actor, singer or dancer. You can also help spread the word by leaving us a review wherever you listen to podcasts in order to help people find this resource.

Lastly, you can find me on Instagram at @kelliyoungmanwellness.

And if you're interested in coaching, make sure to head to kelliyoungmanwellness.com/waitlist to join my list now. See you soon.